I am straight-up gunning for the eyeballs of Markelle Fultz fans right now and I’m not ashamed to admit it. All these middling performances from Fultz where he barely drags himself into double-digit scoring totals? I don’t care how middling they are. I’m making the damn video no matter what. There’s an under-served market out there of Fultz fanatics (“Fultznatics”) who will eagerly consume any Fultz footage that is placed in front of them, and I’m here to satiate their obsessive cravings.
Actually, now that I stop to think about it a little harder. I don’t think it’s under-served. My market research has told me that the internetubes are flooded with footage of Markelle Fultz. But it’s a market that can’t be saturated. These Fultznatics, as I said before, will watch anything that purports to depict Fultz’s exploits in the NBA, and if you give them more of the same, they’ll just keep watching it forever. Their ideal life would be 24 straight hours of Fultz fetishization with no sleep and with adult diapers to limit unnecessary trips to the bathroom.
So, no apologies are forthcoming from DTB regarding the highlight-worthiness of Fultz’s performance tonight or any performances going forward. Ever since I dropped Nikola Jokic from my channel I’ve been searching for the next player who will drive subscribers to my channel en masse. Fultz could be that guy. Whether he’s actually good or not is totally irrelevant to that point.