“Dear Diary,
I wish Dario Saric had stayed injured forever.
Every time my hand is forced and I have to give minutes to that loser, I get a splitting migraine. His mere existence fills me with pure, seething hatred. Why can’t Frank Kaminsky be the healthy one instead of Dario?
Luckily, I still have enough control over the offense that I can set it up in such a way that Dario has no choice but to fail. It doesn’t make me happy to sabotage my own team like this, but I’m not the one who decided to sign this guy. I’m just the one whose job is on the line if I decided to remove him from the rotation and replace his minutes with Cheick Diallo.
Dario scored 13 points in the first quarter of our game tonight. The fact that he was playing well, despite my best efforts to neutralize him, made me sick. I actually had to go back to the locker room and puke in a bucket because of how sick I was.
I bet that puke bucket would play more defense than Dario. It would probably grow a better mustache too if you left it out in the sun long enough.
I tried to look up Croatia on a map and I couldn’t find it. That’s how you know it’s worthless. Everybody in Croatia is worthless. I hate all of them. But I especially hate Dario. Please, God, somebody get him off my team. If I walk into one more film session and he’s sitting there with that dopey look on his face, I swear I’m going to snap.
-Monty”