Davis Bertans 18 Points/6 Threes Full Highlights (3/3/2020)

You might not like it, but this is what the ideal Davis Bertans highlight video looks like.

Just three-pointers. No replays. No two-point field goals. No defense. Just a tall Latvian dude making sweet splash music out of the net and spontaneously impregnating hundreds of Latvian women with each of his threejaculations.

If you’re clicking on this video for any other reason than to witness three-pointers, you need to rethink your priorities. Why would you want to watch somebody like Bertans make two-pointers? He only takes those if the three-pointer isn’t available to him. I have purported in the past to enjoy players who have a balanced scoring attack from all areas of the court, but I was lying when I said that. I actually prefer players who do only one thing and do it well, sort of like that gadget you have in your kitchen that can only make dinosaur-shaped pancakes and nothing else. Bertans is that gadget, except you have to pay fifteen million dollars per year to acquire him, instead of the $19.99 that the infomercial promises you for the dino pancake maker.

Now that I’ve uploaded this thing, I’m realize that if I had edited every video like this one, I would have been able to just take all my Bertans videos and combine them into one to get a compilation of all his three-pointers (a “three-ilation”). Damn it. Why am I not blessed with perfect foresight?

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