Keldon Johnson 13 Points Full Highlights (3/6/2020)

It’s always a blast to make a highlight video for a player that you literally know nothing about. I don’t expect you all to be able to relate exactly to the feeling I get when I edit together clips of some totally unknown random scrub, but it’s probably close to the feeling you get when you watch highlights for an unknown player for the first time. A mix of elation, suspense, and fear.

When it came to Keldon Johnson, the only thing I knew was that he played for the Spurs. That’s it. I didn’t know what position he played, or what his skills were, or if he had cool hair, or if he had any fans who will flock to view his highlight videos. Many of those questions are still unanswered, but I can at least say that his hair is not especially cool, nor is it uncool. Also, I will soon know if he has fans who will flock to view his highlight videos. I am monitoring the view count on this video extremely closely, to the point where I have the number itself projected on my bedroom wall so I can monitor it while I sleep.

The Spurs got blown out early in this one, which gave us a full 21 minutes of sweet Keldon action. That’s his season-high in minutes by a significant margin, and this also marks the first time he’s scored in double figures. This is a truly historic occasion, so why don’t I feel more excited? Maybe my ability to feel emotions is broken. Maybe it’s broken for a long time. Maybe my body is just mindlessly reacting to meaningless stimuli with no purpose in its actions, for it is devoid of soul.

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