Bobby Portis 20 Points/5 Assists Full Highlights (3/10/2020)

Bobby “Dang It Bobby” Portis went OFF at the beginning of this game. He had fourteen points in the first quarter, reminiscent of some of his more high-volume scoring outbursts from his time with the Bulls (a time which was not marked only by punching Nikola Mirotic in the face, but which was also marked by occasional displays of unstoppable jumpshot-shooting prowess).

I am prone to spikes in my BHL (Blood Hype Level) when a role-player starts of a game as hot as Portis started this one. I generally have a hard time controlling my hype levels and often find myself lying on the floor in convulsions (followed by a comatose state) when I’ve allowed myself to become overhyped. However, in this case, I found that I had no problem preventing pure liquid hype from flooding into my bloodstream. I saw that Portis had fourteen quick points, but I didn’t even bother to extrapolate that to a probably point total of 56 for the game. My BHL remained steady even though this was a total REVENGE GAME and the theoretical potential for more REVENGE should have been dosing me up with huge amounts of hype.

When Portis failed to continue scoring at that same rate, I just sort of shrugged and went on with my life. I didn’t suffer the catastrophic BHL crash that has often hospitalized me in the past.

Well, those times, I didn’t actually go to the hospital. I just lied on the floor for a few hours until I groggily came back to consciousness with my kitty Japurri asleep on my chest and with the words “Bobby Portis Fifty-Burger” carved into my arm with a razor. But I probably should have gone to the hospital on those occasions. If I had been conscious enough to dial 911 I totally would have.

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