While it remains to be seen whether or not the Bucks will be given a chance to compete for the NBA championship that they looked poised to contend for (before COVID-19 plummeted the world into chaos), nobody can dispute that they were the best team in the NBA during the regular season.
While the “best team” and the “team that dunks most frequently” aren’t necessarily the same thing, they are correlated. That is why I am presenting to you…
OFFICIAL THEORETICAL BUCKS PLAYER DUNKILATION POWER RANKINGS [2019-20 EDITION] [[POWER CRITERIA: RAW ENTERTAINMENT FACTOR]]
1. Giannis Antetokounmpo – This guy was third in the league in total dunks at 174 (behind Rudy Gobert’s 206 and Mitchell Robinson’s 185). That’s well over half of the team’s dunk total (319). Obviously he wins out from a quantity perspective when you compare him to his Bucks teammates, but he also wins from an entertainment perspective. Giannis doesn’t go all-out for every single dunk, but even his normal dunks are spectacular feats of (in)human athleticism. That’s what secures him first place in my OFFICIAL THEORETICAL BUCKS PLAYER DUNKILATION POWER RANKINGS.
2. Pat Connaughton – There’s a reason why Patty Ice was in the dunk contest and there’s a reason why I’m making this dunkilation despite the low volume of his dunks: his dunks are sick. Not “worldwide pandemic” sick, but, like, sick from a basketball point of view. He doesn’t fit the physical profile of the stereotypical “dunker” (I know what we’re all thinking right now and I’m not going to say it), which automatically makes any dunk he dunks 10% cooler.
3. Brook Lopez – We have now arrived at the section of this power ranking where the dunkilation in question will forever stay theoretical. There’s no chance that I will make a Blopez dunkilation this season. Just none at all. He only had 35 dunks. That said, Lopez has a raw, heavy POWER in his dunks that few can match in the league. The way he rumbles into the paint to throw down a rim-bending crusher is ballerina-esque (if ballerinas all weighed 300 pounds and could barely jump).
4. Thanasis Antetokounmpo – First off, nepotism sucks and I don’t agree with Thanasis’ presence on the team. He’s just not that good. That said, he can definitely dunk with fury if the opportunity presents itself.
5. Donte DiVincenzo – I don’t explicitly remember any of DiVincenzo’s dunks, which is a bad sign. He was fourth on the team in dunks with 15, though. And he benefits from the “Pat Connaughton Effect” where he doesn’t exactly look like the kind of person who would be good at dunking basketballs. He sort of looks like me except taller, younger, more muscular, and with shorter hair. And everybody knows that DownToBuck is a horrible dunker. The only things I’m good at are shooting midrange jimbos and getting leg cramps.
6. George Hill – If I remember correctly, Hill had some nice dunks last season with the Bucks. The built-up goodwill I have for him ensures his relatively lofty position on this power ranking even though a dunkilation from this season would be objectively boring.
9001. Khris Middleton – Only ever dunks on run-outs. I love him but he’s not a dunker. Now, a midrange-ilation, on the other hand…
9002. Robin Lopez – Didn’t get enough minutes to prove his dunking chops, but has historically not been an exceptional dunker. Even during his best dunking year (75 dunks with the Blazers in 2013-14), he was nowhere close to receiving a dunkilation from yours truly.
9003. D.J. Wilson – I’m just gonna say it. Wilson’s NBA lookalike, Brittney Griner, dunks more often and with more ferocity than Wilson does. Sorry bro.
9004. Ersan Ilyasova – Every time the Ill-man dunks it I get irrationally happy and excited. But a dunkilation with just three dunks would be rather pathetic.
9005. Sterling Brown – DON’T TASE ME BRO
9006. Dragan Bender – I’m still mad that the Bucks gave up on him. Making a dunkilation for him wouldn’t be ripping open old wounds, it would be ripping wider the fresh wounds that still cover my body and are bleeding profusely.
9007. Wesley Matthews – Apparently this dude dunked it three times this season. Good for him.
9008. Eric Bledsoe – Two dunks. Two dunks? I thought he was supposed to be mini-Bron.
[POWER CHASM – THESE GUYS CAN’T EVEN DUNK]
9000001. Tony Snell – In case you missed the news, the Bucks just traded Thon Maker to the Pistons for Tony Snell. However, a Tony Snell dunkilation containing only dunks from his time on the Bucks would be a video that is zero seconds long.
9000002. Marvin Williams – Did not dunk in a Bucks uniform. Disappointing, given that the Bucks acquired him specifically for his above-the-rim acrobatics.
9000003. Kyle Korver – No longer physically capable of dunking a basketball.
9000004. Frank Mason – Was never physically capable of dunking a basketball.