For being one of the best up-and-coming jumpshooting bigs in the game today, Jaren Jackson Jr. (henceforth referred to as “Jx3” because “JJJ” is lame) sure does have an ugly-looking jumper. You don’t even have to be a hater to see it (although you will likely latch onto the reality of his ugly jumper if you are indeed a hater [although who would bother being a Jx3 hater anyway?]). However, some people might be in denial of how truly ugly it really is.
“B-b-b-but dee tee bee…” you whimper into the void of absolute silence that sadly defines your lonely existence. “Jay jay jay shot nearly 40% from three this season. His jumper is just fine!”
Please cease your intolerable whimpering. Note that nowhere have I implied that an ugly or unorthodox jumper is automatically a bad jumper. In fact, I already acknowledged Jx3 has one of “the best up-and-coming jumpshooting bigs in the game today”. I wouldn’t do that if I thought that his jumpshot was pure straight up booty sauce.
But it kinda is. Jx3 has a booty sauce jumper. It’s just a booty sauce jumper that happens to go in more often that it has any right to.
People gravitate to Steph Curry because his three-pointers are super clean. Same with Davis Bertans. Nobody is gravitating towards Jx3 and his janky-looking shot mechanics. Somebody watching him for the first time would think he was a Charles Barkley-level threat from deep (that is to say, not much of a threat at all). Every three-pointer he makes seems like a fluke.
And lest you think that this is just another case of DTB bloviating endlessly about things he doesn’t know about, I will have you know that I have done an exhaustive frame-by-frame analysis of every three-pointer shown in this video. Every single one. Here’s a typical breakdown of the frames:
Frame 1: Things aren’t so bad. Jx3 could still demonstrate good jumpshot mechanics here.
Frame 2: Uh-oh. His arm is definitely not supposed to be going that way.
Frame 3: Instead of correcting the weird arm movement, he amplifies it.
Frames 4-12: STOP JUST STOP NOOOOO
Frame 13: How did the ball end up so far in front of his face?
Frames 14-23: If I were him, I wouldn’t be holding my follow-through like it was something to be proud of. And if I were holding my follow-through, I would hold it where my hand actually released the ball, not one foot higher to trick people into thinking that’s where I shot it from.
And I only analyzed the three-pointers that were makes. I didn’t even want to look at the threes that he missed. Who knows what he’s doing on those?
Another reason why I’m allowed to make these critiques: I am a certified jumpshot master. I’m not an NBA or college-level shooter obviously, but if you put me in a three-point contest against any random park player, I’m probably gonna win. That’s not a brag. You know it’s not a brag because I fully acknowledge that my ability to actually play the game of basketball is minimal. My handle is not great. If I try to go between the legs, the ball just bounces off my thigh and it’s a turnover. If I try to jump for a rebound my skinny chicken legs cramp up and I have to tell everybody I’m fine when I’m obviously not fine. My court vision is poor and don’t even talk to me about trying to run a play. I’m a weakling so my low-velocity passes always get picked off. I have spindly hands so I can’t catch a pass either. I have to Thon Maker it and bat it to the ground before I can gain possession. My body weight is below the healthy range for males my age so I can’t play defense. Literally the only thing I can do is shoot (and do dribble hand-offs like prime Larry Sanders). So I’ve gotten good at it.
In fact, my jumper is so pure that I hereby offer my services as a shooting coach to Jx3. My rates are very reasonable at $2,500 per hour. Those are extremely low rates for somebody who can truthfully list the following career accomplishment on their resume: “Fixed Michael Kidd-Gilchrist’s jumper.”
That’s right, bitches. I fixed MKG’s jumpshot, the most heinously broken jumpshot that has ever disgraced the NBA hardwood. You just haven’t realized it’s fixed because the Mavericks never played him, and then everybody got covidded.
Even Mark Price, the “broken jumpshot whisperer”, was stymied by MKG and his criss-crossed elbows of grotesque grossness. The fact that I turned MKG and his disturbing mechanics into a Klay Thompson clone is the ultimate endorsement of my abilities. Jx3 should be stumbling all over himself trying to take advantage of my offer. I can turn him from a fluky 40% three-pointer shooter to a not-fluky-at-all 45% three-point shooter whose release is so smooth and quick that it makes Carmelo Anthony’s flick-shot look like Bill Cartwright’s free throws.
Hit me up, Jaren. You know you’re embarrassed by your two-handed push shot.