Shai Gilgeous-Alexander All 66 Midrange Jumpers Full Highlights (2019-20 Season Jumperilation)

This video was supposed to contain more than 66 midrange jumpers. While 66 is a fine total for a young up-and-coming scorer like Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, it’s not enough for me, a self-professed midrange fetishist who is powerless to control his perverse urges for midrange jimbos.

A quick peek at SGA’s shot chart this season shows many more midrange makes than are depicted in this video. He had 120 field goals from that area of the floor, however, this video contains only 66 field goals. Why? Because almost half of his midrange conversions were floaters or otherwise non-jumpers. That is outrageous and despicable. Why would you shoot a floater when you could stop and pop, using your length to shoot over any defender? It doesn’t make sense to me. Maybe it would make sense to somebody whose mind isn’t disturbed by constant intrusive thoughts of sensual middy jimmy action, but it doesn’t make sense to me, the man whose mind is afflicted in that way.

Clearly more emphasis needs to be placed on midrange jumpers or the art of the midrange will vanish. Young players will erroneously prioritize the development of their floater, thinking it to be the more “versatile” shot when it is clear that 7-to-20-foot jimbos, being the past of the NBA, are also the future of the NBA. But how do we emphasize the midrange? Just assigning more points to midrange shots (say, 2.5) seems crude.

As fortune would have it, the most trusted source for NBA highlights on YouTube has come up with a proposal to re-elevate the midrange game into the prominence it deserves. Me. It’s me who has the proposal. And I’m going to propose it right now.

Two words: Midrange Time.

What is Midrange Time, you ask? Allow me to lay out the rules of Midrange Time so that you may come to see what a genius, entertaining, and revolutionary idea it is:

1. Midrange Time is invoked whenever a player makes a midrange jumpshot while the game is not already in Midrange Time (note that floaters are not jumpshots, and foot-on-the-line two-pointers are not midrange). The team that makes the midrange jumpshot is the “Control” team. The other team is the “Compelled” team.

2. Midrange Time ends when the Compelled team makes the required amount of midrange jumpshots. At the beginning of Midrange Time, the required amount is always one. No other action can end Midrange Time other than making midrange jumpshots.

3. During Midrange Time, any non-midrange-jumper that the Compelled team makes is worth only one point, including shots from behind the three-point arc. In the case of a shooting foul, the fouled player must make all free throws in order to score one total point. The Control team has no modifications to their scoring during Midrange Time.

4. Each time the Control team makes an additional midrange jumpshot during Midrange Time, the amount of jumpshots the Compelled team needs to make to end Midrange Time increases by one.

5. The court glows pink during Midrange Time to ensure that all players are aware of what time it is (Midrange Time).

You can see how this completely reshapes the game of basketball to put more emphasis on midrange shooting proficiency. A team that makes a midrange jumper automatically gains a huge advantage. The Control team can continue to run their normal offense during Midrange Time, while the Compelled team is urgently trying to get a midrange jumper of their own. The Control team can pack the midrange with defenders while playing lax defense everywhere else, because a team that has its normal scoring output cut in half will always lose even if they get free one-point layups on every possession.

The value of midrange shooters immediately skyrockets. Elite midrange specialists become the most sought-after players in the league. Andrea Bargnani would not have been a bust had Midrange Time been a thing. Chris Bosh would have been the leader of the Heatles, not Wade or LeBron. Khris Middleton would be the MVP this season, not Giannis. The Rockets would have zero wins. Michael Jordan would still be one of the greatest ever, but Dirk Nowitzki, with his height and his fadeaway allowing him to shoot over defenders swarming his space, would be the absolute undisputed GOAT, and it wouldn’t be close at all.

Most importantly, players like Shai Gilgeous-Alexander would abandon their floaters for solely midrange specialization. Nobody would ever shoot a floater again. Both parts of my initial goal are realized: to make the midrange great again, and to remove floaters from the game completely.

And if you’re doubting that Midrange Time could ever be implemented in real life, I’ll have you know that I tried it out at my local park, and it went really well until two dudes got into a fistfight arguing about whether my jumpshot was a floater or a jumpshot (it was a jumpshot).

Adam Silver please pay me for this idea. My Patreon is always open.

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