Boom. Boom. BOOM. BOOM BOOM BOOM!!!
You hear all those booms? That’s the sound of Lakers fans taking body blows from every possible angle right now.
Not only did the Lakers just lose to the Raptors last night, but now, the young stud bigman that they gave up on after his rookie season just dropped a thirty-burger in dominant fashion. It’s not lying to see that Thomas Bryant dominated the gym in every way. Meanwhile, Lakers fans have to sit around and watch JaWheeze McAsthma and Anthony “CantCreateHisOwnOffense” Davis. And here’s the thing: Bryant is going to keep doing things like this and he’s going to keep getting better. All AD does is allow his jumper to get more and more broken with every passing season.
I can’t believe I ever thought Anjezjzses Pazsckneiziknikscz was an adequate replacement for Thomas Bryant in any way, shape, or form. Bryant can shoot from anywhere, he can move without looking like an old man, and he can jump up in the air to get rebounds if he needs to. Pazkcksnesciznksisnkzksesczeksksicesnikscz can shoot from nowhere, his movement around the court is positively geriatric, and his jumping ability is comparable to a 40-year-old Joel Przybilla after being hit with a tranquilizer dart.
I have to say, though, that Bryant really, really, REALLY needs to not headbutt the stanchion (or anything else for that matter). I don’t care how mad or frustrated he is. Headbutting solid objects is just a really bad idea. That’s how you give yourself neck or spinal cord injuries. Has he not watched that video of a Euroleague player in the 80’s who headbutted a solid concrete stanchion and was instantly paralyzed for life? I watched that video like ten years ago and it traumatized me forever. It’s up there with the “Clint Malarchuk” video (not recommended viewing) in terms of all-time traumatizing sports videos. It made me want to wear a helmet while playing basketball. The only reason I don’t is because people would make fun of me.