Since I, DownToBuck, am a world-renowned expert in linguistics and etymologies (according to the many plaques and little glass obelisks I have on my desk awarded by various professional societies), I have decided to undertake an etymological breakdown of Drew Eubanks’ name. In doing so I hope to uncover facets of his personality/style of play that have heretofore been undiscovered.
“Drew”: this is his first name. Maybe it’s a contraction of “Andrew”, I don’t care.
“Eu”: this is a Greek prefix meaning “good”.
“Banks”: this is a reference to bank shots, a common shot in basketball where the ball caroms off the backboard before going through the rim.
So, in combination, Drew Eubanks’ name means “Person named Drew who is good at making bank shots.”
Knowing that, one would expect Drew Eubanks to be the second coming of Tim Duncan. You would expect him to attempt at least five bank shots per game, and you would expect him to convert on at least 50% of those attempts if not more. You wouldn’t necessarily expect him to replicate the rest of Duncan’s skillset, but the patented elbow jumpers off the glass should be a main feature in his game.
But they’re obviously not. Eubanks does not make a concerted effort to shoot in-game jumpers. His shart (shot chart) makes this extremely clear. And here’s what I want to make clear to Eubanks right here, right now:
MAKING BANK SHOTS IS YOUR DESTINY. And not only is it your destiny, it’s your SQUANDERED DESTINY. By some divine miracle, or some culmination of a centuries-old prophecy, you were named Drew Eubanks, BUT YOU IGNORE THE LEGACY OF YOUR NAME AND JUST DO ALL YOUR SCORING NEAR THE BASKET. Drew Eubanks, you are a disgrace.