Alex Caruso is closing out games now. He’s part of the Lakers’ closing lineup when they want to put a game away. The championship-contending, maybe even championship-favorite, Lakers. How crazy is that? Remember, we’re talking about Alex Caruso here. The guy who is most beloved for his lack of skin pigmentation, his lack of hair, and his unexpected surplus of leaping ability. And he’s closing out games for a contender.
I’m going to sit here and breathe for a bit to regain my composure. If I stop breathing for any reason (such as dying), don’t worry, I have my kitty Japurri Purrker trained to dial the non-emergency line in case of non-emergencies (such as my death).
Beastruso scored as many points as LeBron did in this game, on half the attempts, and in fewer minutes. LeBron was one assist away from a trip-dub, while Beastruso was seven rebounds and eight assists away (or eight blocks away, depending on your perspective on life), but other than that, their statlines were eerily similar. They’re also both getting devastated by hair loss. The similarities are so similar as to be a bit freaky, but I’m not going to compare them because that would be in the insult to the true GOAT. I’ll let you figure out who I’m talking about when I say “the true GOAT”.