Dejounte Murray 26 Points/6 Assists Full Highlights (2/14/2021)

https://youtu.be/7pghTkDmwOE

If Dejounte Murray is looking for extra revenue streams (and, let’s be honest, we’re ALL looking for extra revenue streams), I have an offer that he can’t refuse. Well, he can refuse it, but that would be a very stupid decision on his end.

I hereby offer to hire him as my midrange jumpshooting coach, at the exorbitant rate of three dollars an hour.

Let the record show that my offer to Murray in no way shows a lack of confidence in my midrange jumper. My midrange jumper is purer than freshly-fallen snow crapped right out of an angel’s butthole. I already do tons of damage with it during pickup games. But I know that there’s another level that can be unlocked. I just need the right coach to get me to that level. And I’m confident that Dejounte Murray is that coach.

My stature in the NBA highlights landscape, while somewhat diminished since my semi-retirement, is still extremely high. NBA players are probably falling all over themselves to get a chance to coach me for free. But to get coached by the very best, you have to be willing to pay the very best rates. That’s why I’m offering an entire three dollars an hour, an amount which is the absolute maximum that my budget will allow. It might not sound like much, but think of it this way: if Murray coaches me for ten hours, that’s thirty bucks in his pocket. Thirty dollars is a LOT of dollars, and that’s not even accounting for the fact that I’m paying him in American dollars, which are worth more than either Canadian dollars or Australian dollars. Not to mention American dollars are really easy to spend when you live in America, as Murray does.

Airfare to and from Wisconsin will have to be covered by Murray himself, of course. I also don’t have a gym handy, what with them all being closed because of The ‘Vid, and there’s a foot of snow on the ground here, so we’ll have to figure something out. I am definitely willing to be flown to San Antonio to get in jumpshooting reps at the Spurs’ practice facility, or even the Spurs’ arena, if that’s what it takes. I am a willing and able student. I want to make my midrange jimbos even more devastating than they already are. I’m ready to put in the work. But is Murray ready to do the same?

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