https://youtu.be/156WfAEhvL0
Over the first few months of my semi-retirement, I’ve gotten the distinct feeling that I’m not doing enough pandering to the citizens of various nation-states in the Balkans. Pandering to the inhabitants of those countries is accountable for roughly 94% of the success I’ve found as a purveyor of NBA highlight videos on the You Tubes. If I had been more diligent, I would have created more opportunities to pander to these people, but I haven’t been more diligent. I’ve been lazy, and the citizenry of the various -ia countries in southeast Europe are the ones who have suffered.
Now is the chance to make things right. Luka Samanic is from Croatia and he’s in the NBA, which means that Croatians are desperate to watch his highlight videos. By my estimate, thousands of Croatians will find this video, and a decent percentage of them will read the words that I’m writing here. It’s the perfect opportunity for me to talk about the proud lineage of Croatian NBA players, the fine quality of Croatian women, and how Samanic is undoubtedly going to be an NBA All-Star one day.
Croatia has turned out some good NBA players. Toni Kukoc is the one most fans would recognize, having been the third man on some of those Michael Jordan championship teams, but we can’t forget Drazen Petrovic, who was poised for stardom until his life was tragically cut short. More recent luminaries like Bojan Bogdanovic, who is playing very well in Utah right now, and Dario Saric, who is getting misused in Phoenix but will eventually find a team that can use him to his strengths, should be familiar to today’s fans. Sure, some Croats don’t pan out in the NBA (Mario Hezonja, Dragan Bender), but Croatia probably has a smaller bust percentage than America does, so we can’t fault them for that.
Of course, no discussion of Croats in the NBA is complete without mentioning the woman of Croatia, who are widely regarded as being the most beautiful in the world. I have personally used the internet to look up pictures of Croatian women, and they are very, very hot. My new life goal is to move to Croatia and marry one. Hopefully my credentials as a provider of Croatian NBA player highlight videos will woo them. If not, my emaciated frame, long ponytail, and long [other part of body] will have to do the job. The first time I see a Croat woman naked, I will probably have a heart attack and die, so struck will I be by her blinding beauty. Paramedics of Croatia, please have the defibrillator on standby.
Luka Samanic will totally be an All-Star one day. He’s off to a slow start in his NBA career, but the Spurs know what they’re doing. They’ll give him time to develop properly and learn from the best (LaMarcus Aldridge counts as “the best” in this scenario), and then, when the league is least ready, they’ll unleash him. Croats have a lot to look forward to in this guy. If there’s a better Luka in the NBA right now, I don’t know who he is.
I said I was going to pander to Croats in this description, but that was a lie. I’m not even pandering right now. I’m just spitting straight facts.