How has the collective Internet populace not yet come up with the nickname “Butt Buddy” for Buddy Hield? I shouldn’t have to be the one to come up with this kind of stuff. It’s so obvious! It seems like whenever I start gaining a small amount of appreciation for what the Internet is capable of, I get let down like this. Come on, people. You gotta step your nickname game.
I mean, it’s like the perfect moniker! His name is Buddy, which accounts for the “Buddy” part, and he’s been playing poorly this year, which accounts for the “Butt” part. And “Butt Buddy” is already a common term for a dude who likes other dudes (in the butt), which adds a really sweet homophobic connotation that, honestly, every nickname should strive for.
Butt Buddy actually had a pretty good game tonight, which renders the nickname less relevant. That’s okay, though, because even if he keeps this up for a couple weeks, the reeking stench of his first few weeks will still permeate through the public perception of him, and the nickname will still make sense.
Remember, if you choose to use my creation in your blog posts or YouTube comments or whatever, it’s 25 cents per use.