Dënniß ßchrööder has been slumping badly from the three-point line for the past few weeks, and is 4-of-25 from that range in the past seven games. Historically, he hasn’t been a fantastic three point shooter, so it’s expected that he’ll hit a cold spell every once in a while, but for people like me who overreact to everything and thrive on hate, it gets me thinking: is ßchrööder even a top fifty point guard in the league right now?
If you take off your homer glasses or your German glasses you’ll see that he isn’t. I came up with fifty point guards currently in the NBA that are better than ßchrööder and I typed them in a big list on my computer. It’s actually more than fifty. It’s like sixty. Pretty much every starter and backup in the league is better than this scrub with the moldy patch on his head that produces carcinogenic mold spores. Malcolm Delaney is on the list. So is John Lucas III. And Kyrie Irving.
I assure you that my list is accurate and free from bias. Point guards are supposed to be able to hit the three-ball and ßchrööder isn’t doing that lately so he’s at the bottom. Assists don’t really matter in this case because they just don’t. Neither does an unstoppable midrange game. Does ßchrööder think he’s the German Chris Paul or something? Chris Paul is injured right now so that’s not even something to aspire to.
Considering that ßchrööder is the worst point guard in the league, that means I can make highlights for him even if his statline is a lame eight points, three assists, and five different shots of him picking his nose while dribbling. You’re welcome German people.