Last night we saw the much-anticipated head-to-head matchup between two NBA point guards whose first names are Isaiah: Isaiah Taylor of the Hawks and Isaiah Thomas of the Lakers. Who came out ahead in this battle for the ages? DownToBuck will break it down for you and then give you his OFFICIAL FINAL VERDICT OF TRUTH:
POINTS: Taylor had 16 points. Isaiah Thomas had 13 points. Sixteen is more than thirteen. ADVANTAGE: Taylor
POINTS PART DEUX: Taylor is averaging a career-best 5 PPG this season after averaging fewer than one point per game last season. So, he roughly tripled his expected point output in this game. Isaiah Thomas recently had a season where he averaged 28 points per game, so scoring thirteen is actually kind of pathetic. ADVANTAGE: Taylor
BEING NAMED AFTER OTHER NBA PLAYERS: Isaiah Thomas is named after Pistons legend Isiah Thomas but his stupid parents couldn’t even get the spelling right. Isaiah Taylor’s parents can spell and they also don’t feel the need to desperately name their son after a famous person. ADVANTAGE: Taylor
ASSISTS: Thomas had five assists to Taylor’s three assists. Five might seem like it’s a higher number than three, but I did some advanced calculus on the numbers and determined that Taylor’s number is actually higher. I had to use logarithms and stuff, so don’t even try to argue with me, I obviously know what I’m talking about. ADVANTAGE: Taylor
TEAM SUCCESS: The Lakers won this game easily, but who’s the real winner here? That’s right, the team that ends up with a higher draft pick. ADVANTAGE: Taylor
MIDGET STATUS: Thomas is a little midget man. Taylor, while not tall by NBA standards, is significantly taller than the average American male, standing at 6’3″. ADVANTAGE: Taylor
INJURY STATUS: Taylor has no chronic injuries as far as I can tell. Maybe his knees are sore sometimes but it’s no big deal. Meanwhile, Thomas’s hip is the hip of an old man. He can barely walk much less run. His finishing ability is gone. No team will want to pay a walking injury report any significant amount of money. ADVANTAGE: Taylor
DTB’S OFFICIAL FINAL VERDICT OF TRUTH: Isaiah Taylor COMPLETELY outplayed Isaiah Thomas in this game, and is probably the better player overall, and he’s only going to get better while Thomas declines.