Two foreign rookies on the same team: Luka “Lukadris” Doncic and Ryan “Broekback Mountain” Broekhoff. We all know what the narrative is surrounding these two, but in this informative video description, I will analytically analyze the factual facts to figure out which of them is actually more important to the team.
POINTS IN THIS GAME: Both Broekhoff and Doncic had 13 points. However, Doncic needed 19 shots to get 13 points. Broekhoff only needed six. ADVANTAGE: Broekhoff
POINTS THIS SEASON: Doncic has scored 1408 total points this season. Broekhoff has only scored 98. This seems like a landslide victory for Doncic, but that’s only the case if you don’t understand math. As somebody who is highly learned in the art of fractions, I can tell you that Doncic is scoring 21 points per game, since he has played 67 games this season. Meanwhile, Broekhoff is averaging 32.6 (repeating of course) points per game because he has only appeared in three games. ADVANTAGE: Broekoff
PHYSICAL ATTRACTIVENESS: Doncic is a little bit tubby in the face, but has nice hair and relatively clear skin. Broekhoff, frankly, looks like a rough-and-tumble bogan from the deep outback. But chicks like rugged guys, not guys with babyfaces. ADVANTAGE: Broekoff
CONTRIBUTION TO TEAM SUCCESS: Doncic is a ball-hog. He hogs the ball. As a consequence of his ball-hogginess, deserving players like Trey Burke, Salah Mejri, Dirk Nowitzki, Kostas Antetokounmpo, and Daryl Macon don’t get the touches they deserves. Meanwhile, Broekhoff fits perfectly into the team concept and does not hog the ball. ADVANTAGE: Broekhoff
PEDIGREE: Doncic is Slovenian. Slovenia is an okay country, but I don’t think anybody considers it a “first-world” country. At best it’s a “1.5-world” country, but even that is doubtful. Broekhoff is Australian, and while they have some issues with environmentalism and internet censorship hanging over their heads, most people would agree that Australia is a modern, advanced first-world country with a high standard of living that contributes to the global information economy. ADVANTAGE: Broekhoff
CALIBER OF HAIR FOLLICLES: Doncic has a full head of hair. Broekhoff’s hair is maybe looking a bit thin on top. But that just means he has extra testosterone lying around in his body. ADVANTAGE: Broekhoff
CONTINENT STATUS OF HOME COUNTRY: Doncic’s Slovenia is not a continent. Broekhoff’s Australia is, by some definitions, a continent. ADVANTAGE: Broekhoff
DUNKS: Doncic has 25 dunks this season. Broekhoff has just one. There’s no way to spin this one, folks. Doncic has simply dunked it more often, and more ferociously, than Broekhoff this season. ADVANTAGE: Broekhoff
To conclusively conclude, the truth-bearing facts have been factually and honestly analyzed with only the plain truth as the end goal. And the plain truth is this: Ryan Broekhoff is MORE IMPORTANT to the Mavs this season than Luka Doncic.