I would estimate that the NBA would become a full 1 percent less fun without Kelly Oubre running around doing all his Kelly Oubre things. That doesn’t sound like a lot (probably because 1 is the lowest non-negative integer besides 0), but when considering the total amount of fun that the NBA contains (which is quite a lot, possibly up to 15 or 20 metric tons), it really is.
Here’s just a list of the some of the fun things we would be missing out on if Oubre disappeared and it was like he never existed:
-Blown kisses
-Post-foul pushups
-Mini headbangs
-Powerful dunks
-Mean mugs
By my own rough estimates, the average Suns game, were Oubre not present, would garner approximately 0 TV viewers and draw 7 people to the arena. Further calculations indicate that if Oubre is not selected to be in the dunk contest, the NBA’s several millions of dollars they put up to run the event that will not be recouped because there will be no social media engagement. Literally none. Any Twitter posts about the contest will receive 0 likes and 0 retweets. Any YouTube videos will earn $0 ad revenue.
I might have to up my estimate from 1 percent of all fun to 50 percent of all fun. If not more.