Gary Trent Jr. is cool and all, but I’ve been told by about a million different Blazers fans that Anfernee Simons is their young stud of the future, and he didn’t even play in this game. What the heck, Blazers fans?
Okay, so maybe I’m exaggerating about the “million” part. Maybe there are a million individual Blazers fans out there, but even if there were, it’s stupid to think that each one contacted me individually. But still, I’ve received all sorts of correspondence in all sorts of formats from the Portland faithful regarding how good Simons is and how Trent is just a guy. Here’s a sample:
Unknown Blazers fan, Morse code tapped out on my apartment wall:
.- -. ..-. . .-. -. . . / … .. — — -. … / .. … / .- / … – ..- -.. — ..- ..-. ..-. .. -. / — ..-. / – …. . / …. .. –. …. . … – / -.-. .- .-.. .. -… . .-. –..– / — . .- -. .– …. .. .-.. . –..– / –. .- .-. -.– / – .-. . -. – / .— .-. .-.-.- / .. … / .- .-.. … — / .- / … – ..- -.. — ..- ..-. ..-. .. -. –..– / -… ..- – / — ..-. / .- / … .. –. -. .. ..-. .. -.-. .- -. – .-.. -.– / .-.. — .– . .-. / -.-. .- .-.. .. -… . .-.
Carolina Linxxxy, DM on my Onlyfans:
“I wish you would stop making videos of Gary Trent Jr., because he is a good player but not nearly as good as Anfernee Simons, who is definitely the future of the Blazers franchise. Also, where are the pics of your brown starfish that I paid for?”
Unknown Blazers fan, skywritten in the skies above my apartment:
“AS (presuming that stands for “Anfernee Simons”) is good”
Gary Trent, Facetime call:
“Who the fuck are you, and how did you get this number?”