https://youtu.be/11VlllK7TCU
When I saw the seven-man rotation that the COVID-decimated Sixers were trotting out for tonight’s game, I thought to myself, there are two things that could happen here:
Thing That Could Happen Numero Uno: The Sixers score seventy points in the game, shoot 29% from the field as a team, and lose by fifty.
Thing That Could Happen Numero Two: One of the miscellaneous scrubs on the Sixers goes off for thirty or more points, and the Sixers only lose by twenty or so.
These two options were formulated instantly by my brain, which is capable of extremely advanced basketball analysis. I saw a lineup populated by names that I barely knew, plus some veterans who are totally incapable of being a #1 option on offense (Danny Green, Tony Bradley, Dwight Howard), and it quickly became clear to me that the Sixers were not going to be playing a normal game of NBA basketball.
The end result of this odd contest? Tyrese Maxey, a rookie just embarking on his NBA journey, scored 39 points on a more-efficient-than-expected 18-of-33 from the field. The opposing Nuggets, who were fielding a mostly complete roster, managed to put the game away in the third quarter, but that didn’t stop the Maxey Taxi from driving an erratic course all over the court, scoring bucket after bucket along the way. I was totally getting rookie Brandon Jennings vibes from this, except Jennings scored 55; Maxey would have had to draw way more free throws than the amount he did draw (zero) to get to that lofty total.
I also want to take this opportunity to announce that I have crafted a secondary nickname for Maxey. “Maxey Taxi” is the primary nickname. The secondary nickname is “Max Evasion” (say it as one word like “Maxeyvasion”). It’s a riff on the common phrase “tax evasion”, which refers to the act of evading the government-mandated payment of taxes (duh), but in this case, it references Maxey’s ability to evade defenders for easy buckets. If you are interested in using this dynamic, creative, and, let’s just say it, GENIUS nickname, you’re welcome to it, just remember to pay me 25 cents every time it appears in print or it comes out of your mouth or you think it in your brain.