https://youtu.be/BVwann9gNds
Maybe I’m just broken, but I cannot force myself to get excited for the concept of a player setting a career-high in three-pointers made. The only career-high that gets my juices flowing is a career-high in points. Any other career-high is just “meh” unless it also happens to be setting a team- or NBA-wide record. Yet commentators always seem to be getting hyped for players who set a new career-high in some random stat, leading me to think that I’m the faulty one and everybody else’s capacity for hypeage is more broad.
Case in point: De’Anthony Melton AKA DeMelto Anthony set a career high in three-pointers made last night, with six such shots. That’s neat and all, but I don’t really care. Six is not very many three-pointers, and Melton is a pretty good three-point shooter this season, so him making six three-pointers doesn’t really exceed my expectations in any way. I certainly would not even make a note of the career-highness of the stat unless I was writing a video description and needed to pad out the word count with irrelevancies. Like I’m doing now.
Maybe I’m just in a sour mood because Melton really only had four assists in this game, but was credited with five. Since five assists is the “DTB OFFICIAL ASSISTS THRESHOLD”, I was forced to include them in the video, which was a huge waste of my time, especially since one of the assists was actually Brandon Clarke making the pass. I have already written a sternly-worded tweet to Adam Silver about this, but he’s proven through his past actions that he has no desire to hold his rogue scorekeepers accountable, so if the official play-by-play record is ever going to be corrected, it’s going to be by me hacking into NBA servers and updating their SQL database myself, and then using their database server as a jumping-off point into their whole network, and then downloading their digital video archive of every NBA game that’s ever been recorded on film, and then updating Blake Griffin’s bank information in their payroll system to my own, because Griffin has enough money already and I want some.