You can argue the merits of both finalists in this year’s dunk contest. Zach LaVine, Aaron Gordon, they were both good to me, they both threw down some great dunks, maybe someone else should have won, blah blah blah, who cares. It’s over now. There are more pressing matters to discuss.
For example: what ancient rune has Zach carved into the side of his hair? At first I thought it might be futhorc, but I looked those up and none of them really match. Those are mostly angular, this one has rounded elements to it. I also looked at a whole bunch of other archaic alphabets, Etruscan, Hebrew, Arabic, all sorts of crazy stuff, I even compared it to some of the glyphs found in the Voynich manuscript, and I came up with nothing. A big old fat zippo.
You know what that means: aliens. Why Zach would shave (or had shaved onto him by someone else (an alien)) an extraterrestial homing beacon onto his head, I don’t know. All I know is that he did, and we’d better prepare for the oncoming assault on planet Earth.