Gerald Green remained with the same team over the offseason for only the third time in his 12-year career. He managed two whole years at the start of his career with Boston, two with Phoenix (only because he balled out so hard in the first, he then regressed badly), and now two with the Rockets….
Read MoreLuka Doncic 22 Points Full Highlights (10/26/2018)
Has anyone started a rumor yet that Luke Doncic isn’t really 19 but is in fact 5 years older (or more)? Because I’m looking at him, I’m looking at his facial hair ability, and I know that when I was 19 the best I could do was a few scraggly pubes at about 1.5 ppi…
Read MoreMiles Bridges 15 Points/2 Dunks Full Highlights (10/26/2018)
I want to know what kind of drugs the Hornets commentators are on when they say that Miles Bridges has a nice shooting stroke, so that I can purchase said drugs for myself and use them recreationally. It’s not a bad shooting stroke, per se, but it’s definitely not good enough to orgasmically rhapsodize about…
Read MoreCollin Sexton 14 Points/5 Assists Full Highlights (10/25/2018)
Dear Diary, Today I made another Collin Sexton highlight video where he scored 14 points. This is the third such video I have made for this player scoring this exact amount of points. I am beginning to wonder if he will ever score more than this. Perhaps I should cease making videos until he scores…
Read MoreJaVale McGee 21 Points/4 Dunks Full Highlights (10/25/2018)
Steve Kerr status: EXPOSED. I feel like I might be overreacting to JaVale McGee’s run of good play to start the season, but then again, I don’t think it’s overreacting when you get hyped for a guy who’s averaging 17/6 on 62% shooting after spending the past couple seasons as an afterthought on the bench….
Read MoreNikola Jokic 24 Points Full Highlights (10/25/2018)
Sometimes I wonder if Nikola Jokic is as enamored with pre-packaged microwaveable frozen foods as I am. He definitely has the outward appearances of somebody who would be a connoisseur of Hot Pockets, Totino’s Pizza Rolls, TGI Friday’s Mozzarella Sticks, and other delicacies of that nature. I mean, we already know that, as a teenager,…
Read MoreMonte Morris 20 Points/7 Assists Full Highlights (10/25/2018)
OFFICIAL NBA MORRISES POWER RANKINGS [RANKED ON HOW MUCH I LIKE THEM] 1. Monte Morris. Here’s a guy that barely played in his rookie season (he appeared in a grand total of three games) – now he’s getting 20 MPG as the primary backup PG for the Nuggets. How can you not like that? Twenty…
Read MoreJayson Tatum 24 Points Full Highlights (10/25/2018)
Tragedy averted! Too bad, because I was all set to revel in the despair of Celtics fans. Reveling in the despair of Thunder fans is just not as satisfying, because they aren’t as confident in their team’s ability to do well this season. Celtics fans were crowing endlessly about being the best team in the…
Read MoreTerrence Ross 21 Points Full Highlights (10/25/2018)
Admit it, you forgot about Terrence Ross for a while there, didn’t you. There is no shame in that, don’t worry. The Magic have given the average NBA fan no reason at all to notice what players they have and what those players are doing. And even if you did manage to catch a Magic…
Read MoreNikola Vucevic 24 Points Full Highlights (10/25/2018)
Once, a long time ago, I promised that I wouldn’t do highlights of Nikola Vucevic unless he was scoring 40. I was tired of the mid-to-high 20’s he was scoring night-in and night-out, and I lashed out. These words don’t act as an apology for my anger; my apology is the countless Vooch vids I…
Read More