The Bulls want to lose. We know that. They want to lose so bad that they’re willing to blatantly (so blatantly that Adam Silver had to tell them not to be so blatant) rest some of their better players for no reason other than to hurt their chances of winning. So why haven’t they played…
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Cameron Payne 17 Points Full Highlights (3/9/2018)
Cameron “Can’t Play In the NBA” Payne is, contrary to what would be expected of him given his nickname, is playing in the NBA right now. The nickname refers to when Bulls coaches/FO people claimed that Payne wouldn’t be able to play at an NBA level after seeing his second practice, and the only reason…
Read MoreLauri Markkanen 22 Points Full Highlights (3/7/2018)
Lauri Markkanen has the best white-dude fro in the league since, heck, I can’t remember any recent players who rocked it at all. So we’re just going to go with Brad Davis. Lauri Markkanen has the best white-dude fro in the league since Brad Davis. It’s not even that big, yet it’s the best, which…
Read MoreDenzel Valentine 20 Points Full Highlights (3/5/2018)
The final score of this game, 105-89 in favor of the Celtics, does not accurately represent how much of a complete massacre it was. I watched a decent chunk of the first half, so it was no surprise when I saw their total as they reached intermission: 2 points. 2 points for the whole team…
Read MoreKris Dunn 18 Points/7 Assists Full Highlights (3/2/2018)
It seems like the dream of the collective Bulls fanbase has come true: Jerian Grant has been pushed almost completely out of the rotation. With the emergence of Kris Dunn, the return of Zach LaVine, the somehow not-total-garbage play of Cameron Payne (Payne, Lauvergne, and Morrow for McDermott and Gibson was a really awful trade…
Read MoreBobby Portis 22 Points Full Highlights (3/2/2018)
I think Bobby Portis cursed himself forever when he declared that he was going to score 40 (while sitting at 38), then failing to do so. Such hubris does not go unpunished by the karmic bodies that govern the mysterious machinations of the universe. I know this from first hand experience. I once said to…
Read MoreLauri Markkanen 19 Points Full Highlights (2/26/2018)
Lauri Markkanen has been a pretty serious slump lately, and the All-Star break didn’t help. I may have to rethink my designation of “white Kevin Durant” for him, because Durant even though he’s a cupcake doesn’t go through slumps like this. Not even in his rookie season, as far as I can tell, which isn’t…
Read MoreKris Dunn 23 Points Full Highlights (2/26/2018)
Say what you want about Kris Dunn, but the Bulls sorta looking decent there for a stretch with him starting. Then he got injured, falling victim to something called a “cuntcushion”. They took a game to notice that he wasn’t there anymore, and then they started losing. A lot. Like at the beginning of the…
Read MoreDavid Nwaba 14 Points Full Highlights (2/24/2018)
I’m kinda talking myself into maybe considering making a David Nwaba dunkilation at the end of this season. He’s had his share of high-flying power pumps this season, but he’s also only dunked it twenty-one times in total. That puts him on par with other non-dunkers like Kosta Koufos (bald), Jrue Holiday (underrated), Harrison Barnes…
Read MoreDavid Nwaba Career High 21 Points Full Highlights (2/22/2018)
David Nwaba is one of those shooting guards who has the “guard” part down pat but struggles with the “shooting” part. He can defend, rebound, finish at the rim, plus all the little things, but shooting from outside? Nah. 3-and-D without the 3. Until tonight. Before this explosion, he had made a total of 6…
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