The Bulls guaranteed that the “Cristiano Felicio” era of Bulls basketball would continue for many years when they gave him that 4-year, 32-million dollar deal a few seasons ago. As contracts have inflated recently, it’s become less of an egregious overpay than it was when he first signed it, but there is still no one…
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Cristiano Felicio 15 Points Full Highlights (3/20/2019)
Just a friendly reminder for people who maybe forgot: Cristiano “Onions Have Layers” Felicio is getting paid 8 million dollars this season, just like he will be for the two seasons after that. Normally such a bad contract would get lots of press due to its overwhelming badness, but since Felicio barely gets to play,…
Read MoreCristiano Felicio 16 Points Full Highlights (3/21/2018)
Cristiano “What Are You Doing In My Swamp” Felicio is the leading scorer for the Bulls in two consecutive games. I am wholly unprepared to deal with this information; perhaps you will do better when confronted with this unfortunate truth. This video makes a perfect foil to the Nikola Jokic highlights I just uploaded. It…
Read MoreCristiano Felicio Career High 17 Points Full Highlights (3/19/2018)
I will attempt to make it through this entire description without once mentioning the contract situation of Cristiano “Useless Brazilian Shaq” Felicio. Can I do it? Let’s find out! Felicio had a career-high of 17 points tonight. I could’ve sworn he had scored 18 when he was in his rookie season and not yet ridiculously…
Read MoreCristiano Felicio 12 Points Full Highlights (12/1/2017)
Cristiano “The Brazilian Shaq” Felicio (or “The Babyface Shaq”, take your pick) made some waves in the offseason for having such a good agent that the Bulls decided to give him a four-year contract where he gets paid eight million dollars per year. This was after he averaged 5/5 on 58% shooting the year before….
Read MoreCristiano Felicio 13 Points Full Highlights (1/12/2017)
Cristiano “The Brazilian Shaq” Felicio: ready for more minutes? He was relatively effective against the Knicks, playing 25 minutes and scoring thirteen points. He only grabbed five rebounds (I bet Taj Gibson was stealing his rebounds) but he didn’t accumulate any of the “bad” stats (turnovers or personal fouls). I thought conditioning might be an…
Read MoreCristiano Felicio 12 Points/3 Dunks Full Highlights (12/30/2016)
Cristiano “The Brazilian Shaq” Felicio has been seeing more consistent minutes lately after playing only sporadically for most of November. That previous state of affairs confused me because the Bulls have very little in the way of backup big men. Those cupboards are bare, as they say. Lopez and Gibson are the starters, and then…
Read MoreCristiano Felicio 16 Points Full Highlights (4/11/2016)
Is Cristiano Felicio better than Fab Melo yet? That’s a dumb question. Of course he is. A better question would be: at what point did Cristiano Felicio become a better NBA player than Fab Melo? Was it from the moment he first stepped on an NBA court? Was it a few minutes after that? Maybe…
Read MoreCristiano Felicio 16 Points Full Highlights (4/9/2016)
It’s a shame that the Bulls probably aren’t going to the playoffs (actually it isn’t screw you Bulls you can wallow in the same misery that the Bucks are right now), because then we’d get to see playoff-Cristiano Felicio unleashed. I mean, the regular-season version of Felicio has only been unleased for the few hours…
Read MoreCristiano Felicio 8 Points Full Highlights (3/29/2016)
Eight points and five rebounds in six minutes? You can talk to me about “small sample sizes” all you want but the only thing I’m hearing is that those are total beast numbers. Judging by this video, if your team has a bunch of dudes on it who can’t make layups, Cristiano Felicio is your…
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