Kelly Oubre lay slumped in a booth in the far corner of a downtown Philadelphia bar. In front of him was an astounding collection of empty beer bottles. Despite his being a prominent NBA player who had just played a game in that city on that night, nobody was bothering him. In fact, Kelly suspected…
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Kelly Oubre 16 Points Full Highlights (11/28/2017)
Kelly Oubre, wearing a white robe that was too small for him and surrounded by elementary-school-aged boys and girls, waited impatiently inside Jang’s Karate Studio. The place was located in a drab strip mall, but Yelp reviews had assured him that it was the best place in the DC area to learn Karate. “You’re really…
Read MoreKelly Oubre 18 Points Full Highlights (11/20/2017)
“Kelly! Kelly! Are you hearing us at all?” Kelly Oubre looked up blankly from this phone. “Huh?” “I was saying, do you want to go party with us or what?” Jodie Meeks said, visibly annoyed with his teammate’s listlessness. “Milwaukee doesn’t have the best clubs, but Jason says he knows a lowkey sweet place to…
Read MoreKelly Oubre 18 Points Full Highlights (11/11/2017)
“Hey John, you’re friends with a lot of the league, right?” Kelly Oubre asked his teammate John Wall as they changed into their street clothes. “Sort of,” John answered suspiciously, giving a sidelong glance to Kelly. “Why you asking?” “Oh, no reason,” Kelly replied. He paused for a bit, tying the laces on his stylish…
Read MoreKelly Oubre 21 Points/5 Threes Full Highlights (11/3/2017)
“WHERE IS HE? WHERE IS THAT ASSHOLE?” Kelly Oubre exclaimed as he entered the visitor’s locker room of Capital One Arena. “I’M GONNA PUNCH HIS GOD DAMN FACE IN!” The group of Cavaliers players, in varying states of undress, exchanged confused looks as Kelly raged around the room, looking behind furniture and around corners for…
Read MoreKelly Oubre 19 Points Full Highlights (10/27/2017)
“Kelly, I really wish you wouldn’t do that,” Jason Smith said with annoyance as he and Kelly Oubre enjoyed drinks in a bay area bar. Kelly mildly looked around at the group of five women who were stroking his bare arms and cooing at him. “It’s not like I asked them to do this,” he…
Read MoreKelly Oubre 16 Points Full Highlights (3/25/2017)
Will Kelly Oubre ever score over 20 points? With the amount of field goals he gets to attempt, the answer is “not any time soon”. Playing next to high-usage players like John Wall and Bradley Beal can be good for young players since it means they don’t have to shoot too many shots, but it…
Read MoreKelly Oubre 18 Points Full Highlights (1/16/2017)
Kelly Oubre is being brought along slowly in the NBA. That’s probably a good thing, given how often we see rookies/young players crash and burn when given too much responsibility too early. He’s the backup small forward by default in Washington despite looking a little skinny for the position, probably because the Wizards have about…
Read MoreKelly Oubre 17 Points Full Highlights (1/8/2017)
The neutral NBA fan in me enjoys seeing Kelly Oubre Jr. succeed. The Bucks fan in me is screaming “why do scrubs always go off on us?????????”. This is the second time Oubre has used the Bucks as his own personal cumrag. The first was earlier this year, when he scored a career-high 19 in…
Read MoreKelly Oubre 15 Points/4 Dunks Full Highlights (12/14/2016)
This is my final warning to NBA broadcasters everywhere. In fact, this could be considered DTB’S OFFICIAL FINAL WARNING: if you don’t start showing timely replays of every sick whamjam that takes place in the games that you broadcast, I’m going to sue you. That’s right, bitches. We’re talking lawsuits here. In what other industry…
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