If the Magic want to avoid being stuck in 11th seed purgatory forever, they need Mo Bamba to turn into their next Shaq. Starting right now. There are other paths forward, but most of them are not feasible (praying for Giannis to come save you is not really a valid path), this one is the…
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Aaron Gordon 26 Points Full Highlights (11/4/2018)
Your buddy DTB really messed this one up bad. I already told you all about my ambitious Halloween NBA trivia contest candy giveaway scheme. Basically, the more NBA-related questions the kiddos got right, the more candy they got. The amount doubled with every question, so like 4 pieces for the third question, 8 for the…
Read MoreTerrence Ross 21 Points Full Highlights (10/25/2018)
Admit it, you forgot about Terrence Ross for a while there, didn’t you. There is no shame in that, don’t worry. The Magic have given the average NBA fan no reason at all to notice what players they have and what those players are doing. And even if you did manage to catch a Magic…
Read MoreNikola Vucevic 24 Points Full Highlights (10/25/2018)
Once, a long time ago, I promised that I wouldn’t do highlights of Nikola Vucevic unless he was scoring 40. I was tired of the mid-to-high 20’s he was scoring night-in and night-out, and I lashed out. These words don’t act as an apology for my anger; my apology is the countless Vooch vids I…
Read MoreNikola Vucevic 24 Points Full Highlights (10/22/2018)
After a 27-point triple-double in the previous game, which I would argue is not the quintessential Vooch experience, Nikola Vucevic returns with a vengeance to give us a performance that is quintessentially Vooch: 24 points, 11-of-18 shooting, two free throw attempts, and one assist. When you think to yourself, “what kind of statline Vucci Mane…
Read MoreJonathan Isaac 18 Points Full Highlights (10/22/2018)
Orlando Magic fans are really hyping this dude, this “Jonathan Isaac”. Like, way above what I would consider normal hyping. He’s barely shown anything in the NBA, but all summer they were patrolling the internet, telling people about his per 36 stats and all-around potential. Nonstop. I get that they have very little to be…
Read MoreEvan Fournier 31 Points/6 Threes Full Highlights (10/20/2018)
The best Orlando Magic-related thing to happen all summer was Evan Fournier tweeting a picture of his newly restored hairline with the text “@KingJames hit me up bro”. It’s risky, as a role-player of Fournier’s caliber, to diss a superstar (and by extension, his army of nuthuggers) over a non-basketball attribute, but I thought it…
Read MoreNikola Vucevic Triple Double 27 Pts/13 Rebs/12 Asts Full Highlights (10/20/2018)
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “not wanting to disrupt the flow of time at all” and 10 being “mad desire to manipulate temporal reality”, how much does Nikola Vucevic want to make a time machine so he can go to some period of NBA history where his 27/13/12 triple-double is…
Read MoreAaron Gordon 26 Points Full Highlights (10/17/2018)
“Summer League Aaron Gordon” is a figure which has attained legendary, almost mythical status in my mind. Summer League Aaron Gordon (or SLAG, since I’m too lazy to type out all those words) was a player who could hit jumpshots from anywhere on the floor with smoothness and poise that “Regular Season Aaron Gordon” (RSAG)…
Read MoreMo Bamba 13 Points Magic Debut Full Highlights (10/17/2018)
Description pending (ETA: when I finish getting some Chick Fil A) Alright, I’m typing this while eating Chick Fil A so if there are typos blame the zesty buffalo sauce I slathered all over my sandwich/fries/face. Also it’s gonna be a short one because everything is happening all at once right now. This is the…
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