Joel Embiid noticed his teammate Jahlil Okafor looking intently at something on his phone. He walked over and leaned over his fellow big-man’s shoulder. “Whatchu staring so hard at? You find those Melania Trump nudes? I was all over those two weeks ago.” Jahlil looked startled and moved to put his phone away. “Nothing. Not…
Read MoreTag: Philadelphia 76ers
Nik Stauskas 21 Points Full Highlights (11/19/2016)
In my opinion, the possession starting at 0:31 of this video is the best thing to happen in the NBA so far this season. Nik Stauskas didn’t even look to pass. I don’t know if his eyes ever left the ball he was pounding into dust. And if Stephen Curry did something like that, we’d…
Read MoreJoel Embiid 26 Points Full Highlights (11/19/2016)
We’d be looking at a 50-burger here for Joel Embiid if Brett Brown wasn’t such a slave to “doctor’s orders”. Here’s the deal, Brett: you’re the coach. You get to decide who gets what minutes. Not the doctors. Not the “medical experts”. They’ve never played a comepetitive sport in their lives. And you’re letting them…
Read MoreNik Stauskas 15 Points Full Highlights (11/16/2016)
Good news for Nik “Sucksass” Stauskas fans: he’s actually shooting well from the field so far this year, which means he theoretically might have a little bit of a future in the league maybe. However, his assist/turnover ratio is in the negatives right now, and it’s hampering my ability to use my newly created nickname…
Read MoreJahlil Okafor 19 Points Full Highlights (11/16/2016)
19 points in only 20 minutes for Jahlil Okafor? Grab your pitchforks and torches, we’re going on a hunt, we’re out for blood, and we won’t return until we have Brett Brown’s head impaled on a pike! Who’s with me?! WOOOOOOOO! Wait, wait… hold on. Just everybody hold up! I’m checking the boxscore again and…
Read MoreJahlil Okafor 18 Points Full Highlights (11/12/2016)
Hype for Jahlil Okafor = over. He’s still the same player as always (except he added some arc to his free throw), but now there’s a new game in town: Ersan Ilyasova. Ersan offers so much that Jahlil simply doesn’t. Three-pointers being the main thing. Jahlil has tried a little bit to add range, but…
Read MoreNik Stauskas 14 Points Full Highlights (11/11/2016)
Are 76ers fans still really pissed that Nik Stauskas even made the team? I feel like I saw a bunch of angry social media posts after the last player (Cat Barber maybe?????) was cut and Sucksass remained. Oh yeah, I wasn’t gonna use that nickname for him anymore. My bad. Anyway, I felt like it…
Read MoreJoel Embiid 25 Points Full Highlights (11/11/2016)
OFFICIAL THINGS THAT DTB HATES IN HIGHLIGHT VIDEOS POWER RANKINGS 1. Too many free throws 2. Lame assists from non-PGs 3. Replays of things that aren’t replay worthy 4. Extended shots of individual crowd members 5. DeMar DeRozan 6. Post-ups that take too long 7. Too many layups —POWER GAP— 9001. Joel Embiid not shooting…
Read MoreRobert Covington 23 Points/5 Threes Full Highlights (11/9/2016)
Robert Covington is who comes up when you type “slow start” into the Googles. Check out these three-point shooting lines from the first few games of the season: 0 of 4, 0 of 5, 2 of 8, 1 of 9. Those lines are pretty awful, awful enough where you could make a case that if…
Read MoreDario Saric 14 Points Full Highlights (11/9/2016)
Who in Croatia even cares about Mario Hezonja right now? Do his parents even care about him? I can imagine Hezonja’s dad sitting in his living room in Croatia, watching shady internet streams of 76ers games at four in the morning, getting hyped every time Saric does something good on the court. I can imagine…
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