OFFICIAL GRAHAM POWER RANKINGS 1. Joey Graham (do you even lift bro) 2. Stephen Graham (more longevity than his first-place brother, but less scoring) 3. Paul Graham (highest scorer on this list at 8 PPG in his 3-year career) 4. Greg Graham (played in the 90s so some old-timers might actually remember him) 5. Treveon…
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Steven Adams 19 Points Full Highlights (12/3/2017)
OFFICIAL PEOPLE TO BLAME FOR STEVEN ADAMS ONLY SCORING TWO POINTS IN THE SECOND HALF AFTER BEING UNSTOPPABLE IN THE FIRST HALF POWER RANKINGS 1. Russell Westbrook. Did not pass Steven Adams the ball enough. Chased rebounds for a triple-double instead. 2. Paul George. Did not pass Steven Adams the ball enough. Chucked shots and…
Read MoreOtto Porter 24 Points Full Highlights (11/25/2017)
The Wizards were up by 17 points after Otto Porter made his free throws with 8:53 left in the fourth quarter. Otto Porter did not attempt another field goal the rest of the game and the Wizards ended up losing to the Blazers by three. OFFICIAL WHOSE FAULT WAS IT THAT THE WIZARDS LOST POWER…
Read MoreDennis Schröder 26 Points/8 Assists Full Highlights (11/24/2017)
With this last 26-point effort, Dennis “Sexy Nubian Princess” Schröder is now back over 20 PPG for the season. This allows me to present my OFFICIAL PLAYERS WHO ARE SCORING 20 PPG POWER RANKINGS [RANKED ON HOW MUCH PEOPLE CARE ABOUT THEM] (NOVEMBER 2017 EDITION): 1. LeBron James 2. Stephen Curry 3. Kevin Durant 4….
Read MoreBen Simmons 18 Points/10 Assists Full Highlights (11/15/2017)
OFFICIAL PLAYERS WHO SHOULD HAVE DEFERRED REBOUNDS TO BEN SIMMONS SO HE COULD GET A TRIPLE-DOUBLE POWER RANKINGS: 1. J.J. Redick. What are you doing getting eight rebounds man? You’re old and you have T-Rex arms. 2. Dario Saric. Soft euros aren’t allowed to get rebounds. 3. Robert Covington. Just because you got paid doesn’t…
Read MoreDennis Smith Jr. 18 Points Full Highlights (11/4/2017)
OFFICIAL NBA PLAYERS WHOSE NAMES SOUND LIKE A BANKER’S POWER RANKINGS 1. Harrison Barnes 2. Dennis Smith Jr. 3. Alec Peters 4. David West 5. Ryan Anderson 6. Guerschon Yabusele 7. Jake Layman POWER GAP 419. Montrezl Harrell 420. Kentavious Caldwell-Pope 421. Giannis Antetokounmpo
Read MoreTony Snell 17 Points Full Highlights (10/21/2017)
OFFICIAL ATTRIBUTES OF TONY SNELL POWER RANKINGS 1. He’s not Michael Carter-Williams 2. He shoots three-pointers really well 3. If he’s overpaid, it’s only by a little bit 4. He allegedly plays defense (I personally don’t care if he plays defense or not) 1. He’s not Michael Carter-Williams 5. He’s low-usage so he fits in…
Read MoreManu Ginobili 21 Points Full Highlights (5/20/2017)
OFFICIAL REASONS WHY MANU GINOBILI SHOULDN’T RETIRE POWER RANKINGS 1. As evidenced by this highlight video, he can still contribute on the court 2. It’s not like his bald spot is getting any worse, right? 3. TIM DUNCAN YOU CAN STILL COME BACK AND REUNITE THE BIG THREE PLEASE 4. Coaching sounds cool in theory…
Read MoreShelvin Mack 18 Points Full Highlights (5/8/2017)
From getting DNP’s earlier in the season to starting a playoff game where the aim was to avoid being swept, Shelvin “The Macksturbator” Mack has come a long way, but in the end, the sweep happened while he was at the helm. The Macksturbator played about as well as could be expected in this game;…
Read MoreDerrick Jones 15 Points Full Highlights (4/9/2017)
OFFICIAL BEST THINGS ABOUT THE SUNS BEING AWFUL POWER RANKINGS 1. Derrick Jones dunking all over the heckin’ place 2. Devin Booker 70 3. Tyler Ulis/Alan Williams pick-and-roll chemistry 4. I hate Brandon Knight 5. Jarell Eddie had a good game 6. More angry dunks by Marquese Chriss 7. Elijah Millsap is back! —— 55….
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