Who else is getting hyped for that SpaceX launch coming up? I’m gonna have to go to bed before the launch happens, but you can bet to heck and back that my dreams are gonna be totally sweet tonight. I’ll be dreaming about getting strapped into the Mars Module as mankind cheers me on. I’ll…
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Buddy Hield 32 Points Full Highlights (2/27/2019)
So today I decided to move forward with my plan to control over 50% of the Bitcoin network’s mining hashrate. I went out to the local used computer store and asked them if they had any spare motherboards or anything else with a PCB that I could have. The guy at the store gave me…
Read MoreHarry Giles 18 Points Full Highlights (2/27/2019)
Good news for Kings fans despite this intense 140-141 loss to the Bucks: progress is being made on converting Harry Giles into their own version of Giannis Antetokounmpo. The stats don’t lie. Giles outscored Giannis 18 to 17, and outrebounded him 7 to 7 (a tie in this case is a win for Giles because…
Read MoreBogdan Bogdanovic 28 Points/8 Assists Full Highlights (2/27/2019)
Bogdan Bogdanovic has, to the dismay of Serbs everywhere (mostly in Serbia, but possibly elsewhere as well), been in a prolonged shooting slump for the entire month of February. That’s including the All-Star break, where he was so cold from three that I don’t think he even attempted a shot during the three-point contest. Before…
Read MoreMarvin Bagley 25 Points Full Highlights (2/25/2019)
You don’t hear much about rookie hazing these days. It used to be that we would get treated to videos of rookies getting their cars full of popcorn, or we would hear stories about rookies being forced to drop everything they’re doing in order to buy donuts for the team, but in today’s anti-bullying culture,…
Read MoreBuddy Hield 34 Points Full Highlights (2/23/2019)
During the All-Star break I had some much-needed downtime to set up my new Bitcoin-mining enterprise. In case you forgot all the details from the last time I was talking about it, basically what happened is that Buddy (my twelve-foot-tall 3D-printed purple plastic naked sentient statue of Buddy Hield) built a hyper-advanced video card for…
Read MoreMarvin Bagley 28 Points Full Highlights (2/21/2019)
How many points per game would Marvin “Marvelous Bags” Bagley have to average for the rest of this season (post-All-Star break) for people to consider him a better rookie than Luka Doncic and therefore deserving of the ROTY of the year award? Twenty points per game is obviously not going to do it because that’s…
Read MoreBuddy Hield 25 Points Full Highlights (2/13/2019)
It’s Valentine’s day. That fact doesn’t matter so much to me, since my steadfast refusal to become involved romantically with women means that I have nobody to celebrate this so-called “holiday” with. However, on this most romantic and cuddly of nights, I start to wonder about my 12-foot-tall 3D-printed sentient naked purple plastic statue of…
Read MoreMarvin Bagley Career High 32 Points Full Highlights (2/10/2019)
Marvin “Marvelous Bags” Bagley did not, in my opinion, have a very good exhibition season. Kings fans agreed with me; he looked lost and ineffective. If they weren’t openly wondering why their team drafted him over a certain other highly regarded Euro, the thought was there in the back of ther mind. The doubts that…
Read MoreYogi Ferrell 19 Points Full Highlights (2/4/2019)
Yogi Ferrell was this close to receiving my heretofore unannounced $100,000 prize (paid out of my own personal funds) for being a backup point guard to have a perfect shooting game while scoring at least twenty points. He pulled off the perfect shooting, going 7-of-7 from the field (his 1-of-2 performance from the line is…
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