Matt Barnes burst through the door of his own house, seething with rage. “Where’s that asshole? Where’s that asshole?” he bellowed, running from room to room. In the guest bedroom, he caught sight of the backyard outside the window. There were people gathered there, and when Matt picked out the face of his enemy, his…
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Giannis Antetokounmpo 27 Points/7 Assists Full Highlights (4/8/2016)
John Henson paused his video game and looked up at his friend, who had just re-entered the apartment. “Ladies’ man Giannis is back!” Giannis set his empty smoothie bottles on the kitchen counter. “I’m back,” he confirmed. “So. Did you bang her?” Giannis shook his head. “I wish you not say crass thing about Rachel.”…
Read MoreJusuf Nurkic 21 Points Full Highlights (4/8/2016)
“Jusuf, stick out your hand.” Jusuf Nurkic looked over to see Tim Duncan addressing him. He was a bit surprised that an NBA legend was talking to him so directly during the pregame shootaround, but tried not to show it. “Why?” “Just do it. You’ll see,” Tim Duncan said firmly, his characteristic wide-eyed stare making…
Read MoreTrevor Ariza 22 Points Full Highlights (4/7/2016)
“Dear Diary, Well, the Rockets are probably going to miss the playoffs. We just lost to the Suns. How do you even do that? They suck. I guess losing to bad teams is something that happens when your own team is itself a bad team. Hopefully nobody ever reads or further disseminates my private diary…
Read MoreShabazz Muhammad Career High 35 Points Full Highlights (4/5/2016)
Shabazz Muhammad heard his doorbell ring. Hustling to see who it was, he opened the door only to see a UPS driver walking back to the familiar brown truck parked on the street. Looking down on the porch, there was a medium-sized cardboard box. This surprised Shabazz, since he had not ordered anything online recently…
Read MoreDevin Booker 34 Points Full Highlights (4/5/2016)
It’s not too late for Devin Booker to win Rookie of the Year. He just needs a little help to do it. If we were talking strictly about in-game performances, then yeah, it’s probably too late for him to be crowned the best rookie. It would take multiple 50-point games for him to be even…
Read MoreDTB’s Best NBA Dunks of the Month (March 2016 Dunkilation)
A BRIEF HISTORY OF THE DUNK CHAPTER V: A REALLY REAL LIFE BASKETBALL DUNK [Rural Alabama, Summer 1929] “Cousin Billy, why don’t you play basketball with us?” Billy Kimball, age 17, looked up from his seated position on the porch and removed the well-chewed piece of straw from his mouth. “I ain’t no good at…
Read MoreGiannis Antetokounmpo Career High 34 Points/9 Assists Full Highlights (4/3/2016)
“I’m nervous,” Giannis said, standing in front of his bathroom mirror. “Don’t be. Obviously Rachel wants to go on a date with you, since she said yes when you asked her out. That’s as clear-cut as it gets.” John Henson replied, looking his teammate’s outfit up and down. “It’s really weird seeing you in jeans.”…
Read More2015-16 Season All Field Goals Full Highlights (2015-16 Full-ilation Part 1/447)
“You’re a good little kitty, aren’t you?” I say to my cat Japurri Purrker, who has crawled into my lap in what is obviously a request for what I like to call “scritchy times”. Japurri lives up to his name as I scritch underneath his chin and behind his ears; he purrs happily and gazes…
Read MoreIan Mahinmi 18 Points Full Highlights (3/29/2016)
I stare in disbelief at the words displayed on my computer screen. I don’t realize that I am speaking as a moaned “no…no…” tumbles from my mouth. Ian Mahinmi has scored eighteen points yet again, and thus, I am obliged to make his highlights. “I’ll do a different video,” I say to myself as my…
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