The Raptors have a really good bench this year. I don’t know how, because when looking at the guys they have as reserves, it’s immediately obvious that there aren’t any big-name players there. Therefore, in order to preserve my fragile mind, I’m going to go ahead and say that the reason that their bench is…
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Jakob Poeltl 13 Points Full Highlights (2/8/2018)
It’s obvious when you watch this game that the Raptors are finally playing free and loose thanks to the departure of one Bruno Caboclo. You think I’m joking right now? Obviously, you’ve never been in an NBA locker room. I have. Many times. And I can tell you right now that having such a big…
Read MorePascal Siakam 14 Points/6 Assists Full Highlights (2/8/2018)
PASCAL SIAKAM THREE-POINT PERCENTAGE UPDATE: Pascal Siakam is now shooting 17 percent from beyond the arc. But for some reason he keeps shooting them. He must be nailing them in practice, but maybe he doesn’t realize this obvious fact about the NBA: EVERYONE nails their threes in practice. You can find clips of basically every…
Read MoreC.J. Miles 20 Points Full Highlights (2/6/2018)
Who knew that being an Instagram model was so hard? The way those ladies portray it, it seems like the easiest thing in the world. It’s not. That’s as big of a lie as their tits. As you know, DownToBuck doesn’t really pull in the bucks with this whole YouTube highlight empire. And I thought…
Read MoreFred VanVleet Career High 25 Points Full Highlights (1/28/2018)
Fred “Vleet of Voot” VanVleet made the Lakers pay for running a point-guard rotation of Tyler Ennis (LMAO) and Alex Caruso (double LMAO). He only played 20 minutes, because that was all the time he needed to take a big steamy dump on the entire Los Angeles metropolitan area. This might be a low point…
Read MoreJonas Valanciunas 28 Points/2 Threes Full Highlights (1/26/2018)
Are these new Toronto Raptors alternate jerseys Drake-inspired? Because I was thinking about how sweet they look (black and gold is fiyaaaaa), but then I remembered that Drake or one of his brands or whatever might have something to do with them, and if they have anything to do with Drake, I don’t want them….
Read MoreFred VanVleet 19 Points/3 Blocks Full Highlights (1/23/2018)
Fred “Prime Gerald Wallace” VanVleet’s final statline tonight: 19 points, 7 rebounds, 5 assists, 2 steals, 3 blocks. He got those stats not as a do-it-all small forward, but as a point guard who is, realistically, only like 5’10”. Yeah, the NBA lists him at 6 feet. They also list J.J. Barea at that height;…
Read MoreC.J. Miles 21 Points Full Highlights (1/17/2018)
I was doing some more research on C.J. Miles the Instagram model, not C.J. Miles the Toronto Raptor because he’s not nearly as pretty as she is, he basically looks like a goblin with several congenital birth defects compared to her for real, and I got to thinking about stuff. First thing I thought was…
Read MoreDelon Wright 20 Points Full Highlights (1/15/2018)
One thing I’ve noticed about Delon Wright is that his eyes get super shiny whenever he plays decent minutes. You know how in cartoons sometimes character’s eyes have those big white spots drawn on them that are totally unrealistic? That’s Wright in real life. I don’t know, it’s just something I noticed. I also noticed…
Read MoreOG Anunoby 17 Points/3 Dunks Full Highlights (1/13/2018)
OG Anunoby: already better than Robert Archibald, the other Brit who played for the Raptors? Yes. Very clearly. I actually was not aware of Archibald’s existence until I looked up all the Britain-born people who ever played in the NBA. He once scored 6 for the Raptors, to go with 4 assists acting basically as…
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