Jonas Valanciunas 22 Points/6 Assists Full Highlights (8/15/2020)

The Grizzlies’ season is over. As we speak they are packing up their stuff and being forcibly ejected out of the bubble. With no international competition to look forward to this summer, Jonas Valanciunas will probably just work out by himself until the league starts back up (whenever that is). Maybe he’ll come back with…

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Jonas Valanciunas Triple Double 26 Pts/19 Rebs/12 Asts Full Highlights (8/13/2020)

Four days ago, Jonas Valanciunas recorded the stunning statline of 0/10/1 in 25 minutes, going 0-of-2 from both the field and the line. That was also the ‘Zlies only win in The Bubb up until that point, a fact which I am writing off as purely coincidental. My question is, how does a guy who…

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Jonas Valanciunas 21 Points Full Highlights (8/5/2020)

The Grizzlies have now lost all four of their bubble games, and their chances of making the playoffs get slimmer with each disappointing defeat. It’s clearly time for a drastic change in strategy. Having Dillon Brooks chuck isn’t the strategy that is going to earn them a postseason berth. Since this is a Jonas Valanciunas…

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Jonas Valanciunas 27 Points Full Highlights (3/10/2020)

Jonas Valanciunas has always had very vibrant eyes. In every thumbnail image I make of him, as long as his face isn’t in shadow, his eyes stand out like two little beams of light emanating from the area between his mouth and forehead. I’d put him at a solid 9.0 on the EVI (eye vibrancy…

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Jonas Valanciunas 27 Points Full Highlights (3/7/2020)

I have a feeling that future people (who might not even be alive yet, how wild is that) are going to look back on the career stats of Jonas Valanciunas and wonder how such a beast of a player went so unnoticed both during and after his playing career. They’re going to see the solid…

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Jonas Valanciunas 22 Points/20 Rebounds Full Highlights (2/29/2020)

Although the title of this video notes that Jonas Valanciunas had twenty rebounds in this game, giving him the third 20/20 game of his career, the rebounds themselves are not actually depicted. Nobody wants to watch rebounds in a highlight video because rebounds are often just something that happens. An average joe off the street…

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Jonas Valanciunas 26 Points/5 Dunks/4 Blocks Full Highlights (2/3/2020)

Jonas Valanciunas definitely has a future as an actor. That’s not to say that he doesn’t also have a future as a basketball player, because he obviously does, but I’m talking about after his playing days are over. He’s got the combination of imposing presence, barbaric character, and understated handsomeness that make him a perfect…

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Jonas Valanciunas 23 Points Full Highlights (1/28/2020)

Jonas Valanciunas will never get the full amount of minutes he deserves until the fans demonstrate their displeasure en masse to the coach of whatever team he happens to be on (at this moment, Taylor Jenkins of the Memphis Grizzlies is his coach). Attempting to do this via the internet is commendable, but ultimately fruitless,…

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Jonas Valanciunas 31 Points Full Highlights (1/12/2020)

Reminder to the Grizzlies commentators: exclamations of “jėga”, which means “strength” in Lithuanian, should be reserved for when Jonas Valanciunas does something on the court that displays his strength. If the word is misused, it will lose its meaning and viewers will think that it just means “good” or “beast” or something. I have gone…

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Jonas Valanciunas 21 Points Full Highlights (1/10/2020)

Long-term, or even short-term, subscribers to my channel will know that I am obsessed with creating nicknames for players. If a player doesn’t have a nickname, or I deem their current nickname to be inadequate for whatever reason, I don’t rest until a new nickname is created. “Lithuanian Lightning” is a decent nickname for Valanciunas,…

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