When people were talking about the locker room issues that the Wizards were having, which involved Beal and Wall punching each other, half the players on the roster being embroiled in unconfirmed trades, and Scott Brooks wailing “I thought we were going to sign Kevin Durant” while crying, I feel like they were ignoring one…
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Sam Dekker 20 Points Full Highlights (12/16/2018)
This is, somewhat surprisingly, the only 20-plus point game of Sam Dekker’s illustrious career except for that random 30-point explosion he had back in January of 2017. He’s had his chances, 165 of them to be exact, to score a good amount of points, and this is only his second success. That 19-point game and…
Read MoreKelly Oubre 23 Points Full Highlights (12/10/2018)
Kelly Oubre sat hunched, facing in towards his locker. In front of him were a multitude of bright blue plastic components which he was carefully assembling into a finished product. The hustle and bustle of the locker room behind him was ignored entirely. Nothing could distract him. Nothing, that is, except an unexpected hand on…
Read MoreTomas Satoransky 14 Points/7 Assists Full Highlights (12/5/2018)
Wizards record with John Wall starting: 10-14 Wizards record with Tomas Satoransky starting: 3-0 Granted, two of those wins were with both starting, with Wall at PG and Satoransky at… small forward? But it still illustrates a trend that I noticed last year: the ‘Zards just look better with him running the show. More like…
Read MoreThomas Bryant 16 Points Full Highlights (12/5/2018)
After being an afterthought for the entire year last season, Thomas Bryant is now the starting center for a playoff contender in the East. Yeah, the ‘Zards are not so good right now, but they’re looking better. They’re on the upswing. They’re not too far from .500 which is basically a guaranteed playoff spot in…
Read MoreKelly Oubre 21 Points/5 Threes/3 Blocks Full Highlights (12/3/2018)
We take a break from our regularly scheduled “Kelly Oubre hates Klay Thompson” storyline to present a fun fact: the Wizards, widely mocked as one of the worst teams in the league, are on a two-game winning streak! Last time I checked, bad teams don’t go on winning streams because they don’t win games, so…
Read MoreThomas Bryant 12 Points Full Highlights (11/30/2018)
Some notes about Thomas Bryant/this game since I’m too lazy to weave these disparate points together into a logical narrative: -If you ever wondered whether Thomas Bryant could dunk, you don’t have to wait much longer unless you paused the video to read the description. -Was Thomas Bryant always this chubby-looking? The dude I remember…
Read MoreKelly Oubre 22 Points Full Highlights (11/28/2018)
On the team bus that was driving the team back to their hotel, Austin Rivers couldn’t help but notice that something interesting was up on Kelly Oubre’s laptop screen. “What’s that?” he asked. Kelly didn’t look up from his intense, focused work. “CAD software.” “CAD?” Kelly rolled his eyes. “Computer-Aided Design. Duh.” “Looks complicated,” Austin…
Read MoreMarkieff Morris 22 Points Full Highlights (11/26/2018)
Would anybody outside of Washington DC and Boston notice if the Morris bros just disappeared, never to be seen again? Not a malicious disappearance, just… poof! Gone. No more Morrises except for Monte. I think people would notice, but it would take about a week before they were like “what ever happened to those dudes…
Read MoreAustin Rivers 18 Points Full Highlights (11/24/2018)
“Dear Diary, It’s scary playing somewhere where Daddy isn’t the coach. I know sometimes I wrote about how he liked Chris more than me and how it made me angry, but I take all that back. When Daddy told me that I was getting traded, I started crying and begged him not to. That made…
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