Tomas Satoransky is playing so well in the absence of John Wall that I am willing to forgive the Czech Republic for Jan Vesely. Satoransky may need a few more good games before I am willing to forgive George Zidek, though. That one hurt a lot. Failed countrymates aside, Sato has surprised me with his…
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Kelly Oubre 22 Points Full Highlights (11/29/2017)
Kelly Oubre lay slumped in a booth in the far corner of a downtown Philadelphia bar. In front of him was an astounding collection of empty beer bottles. Despite his being a prominent NBA player who had just played a game in that city on that night, nobody was bothering him. In fact, Kelly suspected…
Read MoreTomas Satoransky 12 Points/8 Assists Full Highlights (11/29/2017)
Tomas Satoransky is officially the most sinister-looking player in the NBA. I don’t know who he dethroned to take that title, but he definitely has it now. I had forgotten how evil he looks, it’s been a long time since he got his one and only vid on my channel. The question is not if…
Read MoreKelly Oubre 16 Points Full Highlights (11/28/2017)
Kelly Oubre, wearing a white robe that was too small for him and surrounded by elementary-school-aged boys and girls, waited impatiently inside Jang’s Karate Studio. The place was located in a drab strip mall, but Yelp reviews had assured him that it was the best place in the DC area to learn Karate. “You’re really…
Read MoreOtto Porter 24 Points Full Highlights (11/25/2017)
The Wizards were up by 17 points after Otto Porter made his free throws with 8:53 left in the fourth quarter. Otto Porter did not attempt another field goal the rest of the game and the Wizards ended up losing to the Blazers by three. OFFICIAL WHOSE FAULT WAS IT THAT THE WIZARDS LOST POWER…
Read MoreKelly Oubre 18 Points Full Highlights (11/20/2017)
“Kelly! Kelly! Are you hearing us at all?” Kelly Oubre looked up blankly from this phone. “Huh?” “I was saying, do you want to go party with us or what?” Jodie Meeks said, visibly annoyed with his teammate’s listlessness. “Milwaukee doesn’t have the best clubs, but Jason says he knows a lowkey sweet place to…
Read MoreKelly Oubre 18 Points Full Highlights (11/11/2017)
“Hey John, you’re friends with a lot of the league, right?” Kelly Oubre asked his teammate John Wall as they changed into their street clothes. “Sort of,” John answered suspiciously, giving a sidelong glance to Kelly. “Why you asking?” “Oh, no reason,” Kelly replied. He paused for a bit, tying the laces on his stylish…
Read MoreKelly Oubre 21 Points/5 Threes Full Highlights (11/3/2017)
“WHERE IS HE? WHERE IS THAT ASSHOLE?” Kelly Oubre exclaimed as he entered the visitor’s locker room of Capital One Arena. “I’M GONNA PUNCH HIS GOD DAMN FACE IN!” The group of Cavaliers players, in varying states of undress, exchanged confused looks as Kelly raged around the room, looking behind furniture and around corners for…
Read MoreOtto Porter 29 Points/7 Threes Full Highlights (10/27/2017)
If Otto Porter continues to play like this for the full 82 games, Wizards fans won’t even have to be sad that they lost the Kevin Durant sweepstakes two off-seasons ago. You can see where I’m going with this: Otto Porter is basically a budget version of Kevin Durant. Except the “budget” part, because Porter…
Read MoreKelly Oubre 19 Points Full Highlights (10/27/2017)
“Kelly, I really wish you wouldn’t do that,” Jason Smith said with annoyance as he and Kelly Oubre enjoyed drinks in a bay area bar. Kelly mildly looked around at the group of five women who were stroking his bare arms and cooing at him. “It’s not like I asked them to do this,” he…
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