Today’s assignment: Reread the entirety of the “Harry Potter” series, replacing in your mind any instances of the character Vincent Crabbe with NBA player Allen Crabbe.
That part in book two where Crabbe and Goyle get roofied with cupcakes and other treats in order for their DNA to be forcefully extracted from them? Allen Crabbe would fit perfect in that scene, I bet he loves cupcakes. That part in book seven where Crabbe dies (spoiler alert oops)? Allen Crabbe would lend a lot more pathos to the scene, since, given his status as an NBA player, his death is not widely desired, whereas the book-version Crabbe was kind of a dick so when he died it was like “took long enough I wanted him murdered by house-elves in book four”.
Get reading! Your report is due in exactly one week.