“LeBron! Hey LeBron! Wait up!” Kelly Oubre called out to the Cavaliers player who walking towards his team bus. LeBron stopped and turned around, looking confused as Kelly jogged up to him. “Man, it’s a good thing I caught you,” Kelly continued through pants. “I need your help with something.”
LeBron checked the time on his phone and apparently decided he had a few minutes to spare to help the younger player. “Sure.”
“I need you to tell me Klay Thompson’s address,” Kelly said.
The confused look returned to LeBron’s face. “What makes you think I know where Klay lives?”
“Come on LeBron, don’t be difficult with me,” Kelly replied. “You’re like the most popular dude in the league. Guys just give you their addresses all the time in the hope that you’ll spontaneously show up to their house parties and your status as the greatest of all time will rub off on their household furnishings.” Kelly said all this in one breath and then stopped, waiting expectantly for confirmation of his assumptions.
Now LeBron looked annoyed. “Well, I’m pretty sure I don’t have Klay’s, so you’re out of luck.”
Kelly withdrew a lumpy, hand-knitted doll out of his pocket. “You know what this is, LeBron?”
LeBron took a closer look at the poorly-made assemblage of yarn. “A doll?”
“Not just any doll,” Kelly said. “A voodoo doll.” He emphasized “voodoo” by saying the word in a spooky voice.
“It was supposed to be for Klay so that I could torment him remotely,” Kelly explained. “But since I haven’t managed to put the right curse on it yet, I could just as easily make it a LeBron voodoo doll and use it to punish you for not giving me Klay’s address.”
“Yeah, I think I gotta go catch my bus,” LeBron said as he turned to walk away. “Nice doll though.”
“Hey! You don’t walk away from Kelly Oubre!” Kelly shouted to LeBron’s retreating form. “Just tell me Klay’s address and we’ll be good! I won’t have to use the doll on you!” But he got no further response from the veteran player. Sighing, Kelly began the long walk back to the Wizards locker room. “I’m coming for you, Klay,” he mumbled angrily as he looked at the doll in his hands.