“Uh, Kelly, what are you doing out here? Coach says you gotta get your butt back to practice.”
Kelly Oubre looked up with annoyance at Devin Booker, who was apparently the teammate chosen to come find him after he had announced that he needed a “bathroom break” fifteen minutes into practice. “I’m busy,” he said, returning his attention to the woody shrub he was squatting next to.
“Doesn’t matter. You’re gonna get fined if you keep this up.”
“Man, can you shut up?” Kelly hissed. “I’m trying to talk to this goddamn snake but you keep interrupting our telepathy.”
This odd statement only drew a blank gaze from Devin. Finally, he replied, “Like in Harry Potter?”
Kelly sighed. “No, idiot, this isn’t like Harry Potter at all. Harry Potter was a fiction book. That means it didn’t really happen. Me talking to snakes is really happening in real life. Snake charmers do it all the time.”
“Does this have anything to do with your enmity with Klay?” Devin asked.
The mention of this name brought a scowl to Kelly’s face. “It has everything do with my enmity with Klay,” he said. “When I got traded to this godforsaken desert, I thought, why not take advantage of what minimal local wildlife there is to destroy Klay Thompson’s life? Once I master the art of understanding and commanding rattlesnakes, I will send a battalion of them to his home in California. By the unlikelihood of their intelligent, coordinated actions, he will be convinced that he has smoked marijuana laced with LCD, and his mental health, which is already teetering precariously on the very edge of stability, will disintegrate completely.”
Devin didn’t look impressed by Kelly’s intricate plan for the destruction of his enemy. “That’s cool and all, but you really need to get back to practice.”
“FINE!” Kelly whined as he stood up straight. “Nobody ever takes my disciplines seriously.” He started walking with Devin towards the door of the practice center, then turned around to stare again at the bush where the snake had been hiding. “I hate you Klay Thompson,” he whispered with narrowed eyes.