Patrick Beverley. I know you’re reading this, you know you’re reading this, let’s get that out of the way early. DownToBuck is running a little low on funds and he needs some help from his friends in the NBA. You’re my friend, right, Patrick? Yeah. We’re bros. Just float me a few thousand bucks and I’ll make highlights for every game you appeared in. I guarantee you can’t get a price better than that anywhere on the tubes.
DownToBuck is so hungry my man. He ain’t had a bite to eat in two days. This isn’t a joke, this is certainly no game. This public library is about to kick me out.
I already sent one of my associates over to your place to receive the money. His name’s Bruno, he weighs 400 pounds, and he might be carrying a gun, but don’t think that I’m trying to intimidate you. I would never intimidate my friends. I just need a little monetary assistance and a scrub – I mean, a talented young player like yourself is just the kind of guy to help.
Let me know dude. Although, even if you decline, you might find that I get the money anyway. That’s usually how it works. DownToBuck needs to eat, and when a lion is hungry, you don’t let him out of his cage. Remember that, Patrick.
Hey librarian lady, can’t you see I’m uploading a video here? Get your pruny-ass hands off me! I got nowhere else to go! AAAARHRHRHGHHGHGH