Jerryd Bayless is another victim of what I like to call the “receding hairline of derision.” Barely out of college, his hair began to retreat further and further up his head until he looked like an old man. Rather than face the world with disgusting empty spots on his forehead, inviting the unrelenting ridicule of internet commentators such as myself, he smartly shaved the entire thing off and has sported the cueball look ever since.
A few other players have done the same. Gerald Henderson’s hair forsook him, so he punished it by removing it wholly from his head. Meanwhile, Corey Brewer, aside from always looking like a strung-out crack monster, loses hair by the clumps every time he dunks, but still refuses to get rid of it. The stars of the league aren’t immune to hairline recession either: Kevin Durant, LeBron James, and Deron Williams all are turning into middle-aged fat guys in front of our eyes.
But the worst fate is to be a white guy who’s balding. A black guy can just shave it off; a white dude with a full head of hair has to leave it, even after the development of a bald spot. Kosta Koufos is only 24 but you could land an airplane on his head. Manu Ginobili, once looking like a shaggy Beatles reject, now looks like your best friend’s dad. Chris Kaman tried to disguise the fact that his hair was escaping by growing the rest of it longer, but in the end he looked like one part caveman mixed with two parts Louisiana backwoods hick. So Jerryd actually has it pretty good, all things considered.
There should be a new stat: % hair coverage. We need an easier way to ridicule players’ appearances.