Nate “The Dutch Dominator” Wolters is one of those players who you can’t even figure out why they’re in the NBA. He’s just too white, too Minnesotan, too Midwestern. For folks like Jon Leuer you can kinda see why they made it (hint: it has to do with height) but Wolters resembles that one guy from your high school who devoted his whole life to basketball and couldn’t even play at a Div II school. But Wolters is in the NBA, and that guy is…wait, whatever happened to that guy?
(Before you get all weepy for me, I’m not the guy in question. I can’t even dribble. My jumpshot looks like an 80 year old getting shot in the nuts with a taser)
Wolters has obviously learned a lot at the steady hand of Luke Ridnour, another white guy who you think was probably drafted by mistake. A trade for Jimmer Fredette would complete the white-guy trifecta, and humanity would begin anew as the three elemental forces of whiteness were united for the first time.