Great news today! The Heat traded me. I know! Riley said he was sorry to see me go, but I could tell he wasn’t sincere. Nobody liked me in Miami. Well, I didn’t like any of them either. I can’t believe that bitch Shabazz Napier took my backup PG spot. He sucks. The Heat only got him because LeBron had a man-crush on him.
But all that stuff is behind me now. I’m getting traded to the Pelicans! The name of the team is a little bit queer, but I get to play with Anthony Davis now. If he’s not the MVP, I’ll eat my socks. Even better, I’m the default starter now, since some guy named Holiday has fragile legs. That’s what my agent told me, anyway. I haven’t met any of the guys yet but I bet they’ll love having a real point guard on the team again, not that street-baller Tyreke.
Anyway, I gotta get going now! My plane leaves in a few.
I’m so excited!