I didn’t realize how funny Noah Vonleh looks. He’s got that old man stretched-out look going, but somehow he also looks like a newborn baby. I don’t know. I just get weird vibes from him for some reason. Is he the personification, the manifestation of all the separate eras of humanity into one time-being? Was…
Read MoreMonth: January 2015
Darren Collison 23 Points/5 Assists Full Highlights (1/31/2015)
This must be a trend, because it’s the second time I’ve noticed it: when Kings players go off on their former teams, the Kings commentators love talking about it. Last time, it was Derrick Williams; this time, it’s actually justified, as Darren Collison did really have a good game and is overall having a good…
Read MoreMichael Kidd-Gilchrist 17 Points/3 Dunks Full Highlights (1/31/2015)
If Michael Kidd-Gilchrist’s absolutely borked jumpshot form can be fixed into something approaching okay, I’m convinced that there is no NBA malady out there that can’t be fixed with a little know-how. DeAndre Jordan’s free throws, Brandon Jennings’ nonexistent right hand, Joakim Noah’s whirlwind jumper, MCW’s ill-conceived passes that are doomed to result in turnovers,…
Read MoreBradley Beal 26 Points Full Highlights (1/31/2015)
“Marcin, can you do me a favor?” asked Bradley Beal, putting on his coat in preparation for a night carousing about town. “What’s that?” “If we see Denise at any of the clubs that we visit, could you be a bro and not say anything to her? I know you keep ribbing me about how…
Read MoreJohn Henson 14 Points/4 Blocks Full Highlights (1/31/2015)
I am in mourning. Nothing can console me, for I am far too deep in the waters of sorrow. John Henson’s post game was once so full of life; now it rests six feet under, its vitality taken by the cruel hand of Jason Kidd and his ruthless coaching staff. We must now be content…
Read MoreCody Zeller Career High 21 Points Full Highlights (1/31/2015)
The president sat in his presidential chair. The seat of power, as it were. It still didn’t seem real to him, to be the most powerful man in the world. He thought back on the events that had brought him to this place, the fateful proclamation made in Denver. Who knew words could be so…
Read MoreDennis Schröder 15 Points/6 Assists Full Highlights (1/31/2015)
Who would have thought that one of the greatest challenges to the Hawk’s perfect January would come in the form of the un-good Philadelphia 76ers? Even the most ardent Philly homers surely had circled this game on their calendar with the annotation “Do not watch: blowout certain”. We can use lots of adjectives to describe…
Read MoreKentavious Caldwell-Pope 28 Points Full Highlights (1/31/2015)
I’ve talked a lot of crap about Kentavious Caldwell-Pope for various deficiencies in his game. Namely, that he sucks. However, I give daps where daps are due. He is definitely better than I am at basketball. It takes a lot of skill to score 11 points per game in the NBA even at his substandard…
Read MoreDonatas Motiejunas 21 Points Full Highlights (1/31/2015)
The practicing habits of NBA players are scrutinized heavily in this information-seeking world. Who knows what kind of crappy headline you could write if only you knew of a certain player’s inability to do layup lines? The latest tidbit to come out of the practice gym is that Donatas Motiejunas makes 200 threes after every…
Read MoreJames Ennis 15 Points/2 Dunks Full Highlights (1/30/2015)
Dear ESPN, If James Ennis dunks the basketball, you need to show replays of the occurrence. I had high hopes after you showed multiple replays of his putback layup, but those hopes were smashed under the relentlessly marching boots of incompetent video work. If you do not show these replays, how am I supposed to…
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