(Dec. 16, 2014)
Dear diary,
I can’t believe it. I was playing better and better every day and then my knee just gives out on me. The MRI results just came back and it confirms what everybody thought: my ACL is all blown up. When I got the news I threw up all over the floor in the doctor’s office. I could tell the doctor was pitying me when I started crying right there in front of him.
I don’t feel like writing anymore. This sucks.
(Dec. 17, 2014)
Today I got a call from Julius Randle saying how he sympathized with me. I was caught off guard so I just said “yeah” until I could hang up gracefully. What I really wanted to tell him is that I’m the 2nd overall pick and he’s the 7th so we’re really nothing alike. I’m the future of Milwaukee. His future is being a bust while Kobe makes fun of him like MJ did with Kwame Brown.
When I found out which asshole it was who gave him my number, I’m going to strangle them with my bare hands until they die.
(Dec. 18, 2014)
All my teammates came to visit me again. I told them to keep playing hard like we were doing and that they can make the playoffs, but really I want them to suck bad so we get another good pick. We’re not making the playoffs this year. It sounds mean but I’m not happy right now.
Sometimes I think why couldn’t it have been Zaza or somebody who got injured and then I feel sick for thinking that. Plus, it’s not like Zaza ever makes hard cuts or changes direction at all really. His worst case injury is him popping one of those disgusting zits on his back and getting pus in his tighty-whities.
(Jan. 5, 2015)
Surgery went well. The doctor said I can start rehabbing now but that it will be a slow process. I told him he can suck one and that I’ll come back good as new in three months. He must be used to athletes being mean to him because he just laughed. That made me angry because I wanted to hurt his feelings. That seems to be the only thing I really want to do right now.
Giannis visited me and I tried to be all sullen, but it’s impossible to be sad around that guy. He kept talking about how he wants to take me out to get smoothies at the mall. I don’t know what his deal is with smoothies.
(Jan. 7, 2015)
I started rehabbing today. Basically I just have to go really slow on a treadmill. I get so frustrated that I can’t even do things that a normal person would do like run or jump. They also got me seeing this psychologist guy starting tomorrow. Apparently coach Kidd ratted me out on my bad attitude. It’s not my fault that he showed up with a stupid motivational poster for my wall and that I put it in my garbage can while he was standing there. That thing sucked. Even if I wasn’t pissed about my injury I would have laughed in his face about that corny-ass bullshit.
The rehab lady’s name is Jane. She’s cute by Milwaukee standards I guess. She’s really athletic and perky. After looking at Chicago girls for my whole life it’s like finding an oasis in a desert. I still prefer internet porn though. My little Jabari works just fine.
(Jan. 8, 2015)
The therapist’s name is Dr. Patel. He’s Indian. He told me that to get over my anger and resentment that I should start writing down my dreams in a diary. I told him I already keep a diary and he was actually really happy about that. I guess if I didn’t write all this stuff out like a middle-school girl maybe I would have snapped and killed somebody by now.
Oh, by the way, I never did figure out how Julius Randle got my number. So whoever he is, he’s still alive. I did send Julius a text that said I hope he has twenty setbacks and then he has to retire. That made me feel good. The Lakers don’t need any more rings, not like Julius would help them get any.
So last night I don’t remember any of my dreams except one part where I was eating a huge ice cream sundae but it was really thick and I could hardly chew it. Then when I woke up I had drooled all over my pillow. I bet Dr. Patel will tell me that the ice cream is a metaphor for my rehab or something.
(Jan. 12, 2015)
I had a dream that I was playing basketball and then Grant Hill was there and was commentating. Then his ankles exploded like bombs. That freaked me out and I woke up. Dr. Patel said that was anxiety about my injury. I was like “duh, you moron.”
Jane gets cuter by the day, I swear. I like how she puts her hair in a little ponytail but there are still strands that get in her face and she has to keep pushing them away. She still pisses me off when she tells me that I have to keep going on the treadmill even though my knee hurts and I’m tired. It’s like, bitch, I’ve had enough for today. Then I’m like, why do I need some woman for motivation anyway? So from now on I’m going to try harder.
(Jan. 29, 2015)
The team’s doing pretty good actually. The East sucks so I we’re probably making the playoffs. I wanted to play with Jahlil Okafor next year but I guess that’s not going to happen.
Part II: http://youtu.be/5Y4IvBtrlXM