Do you remember the movie “Marley & Me”? It was about some dog named Marley and how he sucked at being a good dog but his family loved him anyway. And when there were tough times it was always Marley’s naive adoration for his masters that kept them focused on the positive things in life. And then…SPOILER ALERT STOP READING IF YOU DON’T WANT TO HAVE THE ENDING RUINED…JUST FORGET THE REST OF THE DESCRIPTION…
SPOILER ALERT!!!!
…Marley dies and it’s super sad and every time I watch it I say “DTB isn’t going to cry this time” but then, what do you know, I’m crying like a bitch.
Well, I’ve got a new idea for a movie. It’s called “Majerle & Me” and instead of it being a family-friendly drama it’s actually gonna be more like a documentary about how I get to hang out with Dan Majerle and do all kinds of rad stuff.
It will open up with his parents talking about what a good kid he was and there will be some grainy home-video footage of him riding a tricycle around. Then we’ll interview his high-school basketball coach. Then all the boring stuff ends and it’s just me and Thunder Dan riding skateboards around, playing pickup basketball at the park and eating sno-cones while 80’s retro thrashcore and skatepunk plays in the background.
Scenes of Thunder Dan’s dominance in the NBA will be interspersed. Clips from this very game will be included. Especially the part where if you read his lips you can tell he’s saying a bad word.
To parallel the themes of Marley & Me, the end will have Dan Majerle contract cancer and die. When they finally unplug him from the machines that are keeping him alive, I’ll be there by his side with tears silently pouring down my face. Roll the end credits!
DTB as himself
Dan Majerle as himself
Katy Perry as DTB’s girlfriend
This movie is going to rock so hard.