“Are you really sure about this? Seems kind of in poor taste to me.” Kelly Oubre said, looking doubtfully at the watermelons.
Bradley Beal smirked as John Wall, standing next to him, nodded vigorously. “Poor taste? Who cares? We’re gonna really make Kris look like a fool this time, and you’re just the guy to help us out! Come on man!” Bradley said plaintively.
“I guess I still don’t understand why you can’t just get Marcin or Garrett or someone else to do this. Is it because I’m a rookie?”
Bradley looked exasperated, as if he had been over this point many times. “It’s because your feminine facial features will trick Kris for longer, giving you more time to get primo prank footage! This will be a great way to kick off our new pranking YouTube channel!”
“Yeah, Kelly, this will be great!” John concurred. “Kris knows to expect me and Bradley anyway. Now, let’s go over the plan again. You take these watermelons, and you put them in these paper bags…”
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Kelly crouched outside Kris’ hotel room door, clutching a walkie-talkie. He held it up to his mouth. “You sure this is legal? I feel like I’m violating some laws here.”
A scratchy voice emanated from the device. “Kelly, don’t you flake out on us now. It’s 2 o’clock, Kris is sound asleep, the last thing he’ll expect is Kim Kardashian walking through his door! Do you have the ass-replica attached? What about the wig? Is the head-mounted camera turned on? ” John questioned as he went through his checklist.
Kelly looked behind him, at the crude imitation of a female rump, constructed of two watermelons placed in bags and covered in papier mache. “This thing doesn’t even look remotely like a butt, much less the butt of a celebrity, and believe me when I say that this isn’t going to work!” he whined.
“No more time! Go go go!”
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John and Bradley huddled around the laptop, which was livestreaming the footage from Kelly’s encounter with Kris. As the first muffled noises came through, they smiled.
“Oh Kris, I can’t believe I ever left you for that loser Kanye! But he’s not here right now, and if you don’t tell anybody, we can relive a bit of the old days!” Kelly said in his most feminine voice.
“Kim?” Kris mumbled drowsily. “Is that really you?”
“Really me, with my real ass, honey. I know how bad you’ve missed it!”
Kris reached over from his bed and flipped on the light.
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“Oh gross!” John exclaimed from the base of operations, the adjacent hotel room. He covered his eyes. “He sleeps on top of the covers!”
“And with no clothes on!” Bradley covered his eyes as well.
When they gained the courage to look again at the laptop monitor, there was no more footage coming through.
“What’s going on? Is this thing busted?” John frantically manipulated the keyboard, but could not regain the image.
“Shut up, dude! Listen!” Bradley scolded.
They could hear the sounds of punches being landed, and the cries of Kelly as he was assaulted by the naked Kris.
“Did John and Bradley put you up to this, you piece of crap? I’ve had it! Take this!” Kris yelled, a yell which could be heard clearly through the wall.
There was a sickening squelch as, one after the other, the watermelons were broken over Kelly’s head.
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“Well, that was pretty funny, I’d say! A rousing success, all things considered!” Bradley laughed as he high-fived his partner in crime.
“You think we should go get Kelly?” John looked concerned.
“Hell no, man, you know what Kris would do if he found out it was us!”
There was a new voice from behind them. “It wouldn’t be pretty, that’s for sure!” Kris said as he smashed the pair’s heads together, knocking them both unconscious. “Not pretty at all!”