Tristan Thompson 16 Points Full Highlights (2/18/2016)

I drowsily scroll through the list of individual player performances on Basketball-Reference, searching in vain for highlight-worthy statlines. There having been just three games the previous night, I know that there will not be much for me to choose from, but even I am surprised by the paucity of decently-performing role-players.

The unexpected ringing of my phone jolts me awake. I have grown accustomed to receiving calls from unknown callers, so I answer it without hesitation. “DTB highlights incorporated. DTB speaking.”

“You’re not making enough Tristan Thompson highlights,” says the voice on the other end, a voice which clearly does not belong to Tristan Thompson himself.

In my just-awakened state, it takes me a few seconds to determine the true identity of the caller. It’s the head of Nabisco. I think his name is John. Or Jim, perhaps. To avoid the further deterioration of our business relationship, I try to maneuver the conversation in such a way that I don’t have to say his name. “I’m sure everybody over there at Nabisco is aware that Tristan Thompson, or, as you call him, “Triscuits”, has not been having many high-scoring games this year,” I say. “There’s really not much I can do about that.”

“Well, considering that you’re contractually obligated to use the brand name “Triscuits” on your channel at least five times a week, maybe you should be lowering your highlight-worthiness threshold, Mr. DownToBuck,” says Jim/John.

I roll my eyes; I don’t need a reminder of the exact nature of the contract I signed, and I don’t appreciate his poorly-disguised threats. “I’m not going to debase myself and my channel by uploading videos where Triscuits scores eight points and gets nine rebounds. It’s just not happening.”

“But he did score sixteen last night. Surely that is enough to warrant a video?”

Sighing heavily, I answer “Maybe.” Money’s been tight lately, and I could really use the fat checks that Nabisco sends me for promoting their brand of snack cracker. Immediately I feel sick with myself for being so spineless.

“I trust that you’ll make the right decision,” either Jim or John says, and, without exchanging parting pleasantries, he hangs up the phone. I turn back to my computer and reluctantly begin the clip gathering process, thinking all the while about how my video description will suffer with the overuse of the word “Triscuits”.

Triscuits Triscuits Triscuits Triscuits. Buy Triscuits. Eat Triscuits. Live Triscuits.

All clips property of the NBA. No copyright infringement is intended. Triscuits.

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