This game marks day one of a new epoch. Not just a new epoch, even; a new era truly has dawned this day. Future historians will look back on this day and wonder how the unenlightened denizens of that time reacted to happenings of such enormous consequence. Let this video be a testament to our…
Read MoreDay: March 18, 2017
Jason Smith 17 Points Full Highlights (3/17/2017)
This wasn’t actually a great game from Jason “Help I’m balding” Smith, who shot 6-of-15 from the field and doubtlessly prevented John Wall from getting even more assists than he already had. However, he did get the much-sought-after “scrub by five” by getting at least two of each main statistical category. The Big Bald Spot…
Read MoreIan Mahinmi 16 Points Full Highlights (3/17/2017)
Pretty much the only way Ian Mahinmi will ever EVER be worth his contract is if he averages this many points per game until he’s 34 years old, which is when his contract finally ends. However, he will need to average more than the three rebounds he grabbed in this game, unless he’s having the…
Read MoreRichaun Holmes 17 Points/4 Dunks Full Highlights (3/17/2017)
Is it bad that I continue to utilize the “Rich Holmie Chaun” nickname for Richaun Holmes when I barely understand what it’s referencing? My knowledge of rap artists is minimal, and even that is an exaggeration. I didn’t know who Rich Homie Quan was until I looked up the reference because the 76ers Twitter used…
Read MoreT.J. Warren 26 Points Full Highlights (3/17/2017)
I would love to get hyped for this 26-point performance for T.J. “Warren Peace” Warren. I would love that more than anything. I WANT to get hyped for it. But I can’t. My hype glands simply refuse to produce hype juice for my brain to receive and consume. I’m sitting here waiting for my damn…
Read MoreTyler Johnson 23 Points Full Highlights (3/17/2017)
The Timberwolves might be up-and-coming, but they couldn’t halt the up-and-comingness of the Heat, who have looked unstoppable for a while now but just recently dragged themselves into a playoff seed. Tyler “The Gap-Toothed Assassin” Johnson has been a big part of both their unstoppableness and their up-and-comingness, since he is himself both of those…
Read MoreRicky Rubio 20 Points/6 Assists Full Highlights (3/17/2017)
The Timberwolves commentators alleged that Ricky Rubio now has a streak of four games with twenty or more points, so I fact-checked them and it turns out they were right! You can’t blame me for being skeptical; after all, we’re talking about the same Ricky Rubio that had just fifteen twenty-point games in his entire…
Read MoreAaron Gordon 17 Points/5 Dunks/4 Blocks Full Highlights (3/17/2017)
For how athletic Aaron Gordon is, he’s blocking an embarrassingly low amount of shots this year. 0.5 per 36? As a hyper-athletic forward? No wonder the Magic were obsessed with playing Serge Ibaka over him. There’s probably some reason for his low rejection stats that would become apparent were I to watch full Magic games,…
Read MoreRobin Lopez 25 Points Full Highlights (3/17/2017)
You know things are getting bad in Chicagoland when the Bulls commentators are repeatedly stating how they’d like to see Robin Lopez get more offensive touches. Fropez is a great player in his own way, but he’s not the kind of guy you forcefeed in the post. He’s more of an opportunistic scorer. The Bulls’…
Read MoreKhris Middleton 30 Points Full Highlights (3/17/2017)
It’s becoming abundantly clear that while Jabari Parker is a really sweet player, he doesn’t contribute to wins the way that Khris Middleton does. People are quick to forget that Middleton was actually the Bucks’ best player that year, and his return to the lineup is the main reason for their recent turnaround. And here…
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