So yesterday I was getting my mail from my apartment complex’s communal mailboxes and wouldn’t you know it, but that hot Latina with the bubble butt who lives upstairs from me was getting her mail at the same time. DTB usually has game when it comes to females but this time I didn’t because all I could think about was how she laughed at me when my 12-foot-tall purple Buddy Hield statue arrived via UPS.
I mean, I didn’t even WANT that statue. I ordered it by accident from the 3D printing place. If I could return it I would, but they told me that all sales are final since it’s technically my product, not theirs (I apparently gave them a CAD file of Hield’s Romanesque nakedness but I have no recollection of that either). Not like I would want to pay return shipping on that thing. It’s huge.
So you’ll understand that when the cute Latina joked with me about how I have this huge purple statue of an NBA player in my house now, my brain shut down and all I could do was chuckle like an oaf and nod while I got out my little key and opened my little mailbox. She flirts with me a lot and it tests my resolve since you know DTB is done with women forever. Well, she started flirting with me again, saying how she would love to come over to my place sometime and get a closer look at it.
You know she didn’t actually care about the Buddy Hield statue. Women don’t care about sports, especially Sacramento sports. She was just looking for an excuse to stop by and visit so it would be easier for me to make a move. But I blew it, and I spent twenty minutes talking to her about Buddy Hield’s stats this year. By the end, she was bored and rolling her eyes and she just sort of walked away while I was in the middle of telling her about Hield’s catch-and-shoot percentages. My sentence sort of trailed off as she was leaving and then I meekly took my mail and went back to my place.
I can’t believe this Buddy Hield statue is cucking me. God damn it.