In each of the first four years that Steven Adams was in the league, he became more and more intimidating, both physically and visually. His rookie year, he had short hair and a leaner build that was relatively untattooed, but by year four he was rocking the long hair and there were some huge tats…
Read MoreMonth: October 2017
Marco Belinelli 19 Points Full Highlights (10/22/2017)
I came up with a new phrase for the Hawks commentators to say: whenever Marco Belinelli dominates somebody with a strong post move down low, they have to yell “that’s chicken parmigiana right there!” It’s like when Shaq says “BBQ chicken”, except Belinelli’s from Italy so it makes more sense to say “chicken parmigiana”. DTB…
Read MoreCaris LeVert 16 Points Full Highlights (10/22/2017)
I was tempted not to make this video because it features more free throws (6) than made field goals (5). That’s pretty much my official benchmark for deciding if there are too many free throws in a video. The only reason I caved is because I suddenly remembered that Caris LeVert is like a mini…
Read MoreKentavious Caldwell-Pope 20 Points Lakers Debut Full Highlights (10/22/2017)
I really hope that Lakers fans don’t expect Kentavious “KDCUPI” Caldwell-Pope to be “good”. It’s easy to watch his highlights and come away with the impression that he is a sick-shooting athletic SG who gets really shiny with sweat the second he steps on the court. I mean, most of that stuff is true, except…
Read MoreKyle Kuzma 20 Points Full Highlights (10/22/2017)
Man, I turned this game off when the Lakers were getting their butt kicked by 20. Well, that and because League Pass was spazzing out hard. But mainly because I didn’t want to watch more cruddy Lakers basketball. Also I don’t even like acknowledging DeMarcus Cousins’ existence by watching games where he’s playing. Joke’s on…
Read MoreJohn Collins 14 Points Full Highlights (10/22/2017)
If there is one word to describe John Collins tonight, it would be “active”. That’s right, no jokes here, there were so many funny words I could’ve put there instead but instead of being funny and wry I’m going to pummel you with hard-hitting analysis. Ready? This is some real powerful stuff. Don’t go into…
Read MoreAllen Crabbe 20 Points Full Highlights (10/22/2017)
Allen Crabbe is getting paid hella bucks. You know it, the Nets know it, my cat Japurri Purrker knows it, and Crabbe himself is especially aware. The Nets are the ones who offered him that contract in the first place, so I’m sure that they’re not too bothered, but I feel like the average fan…
Read MoreTony Snell 17 Points Full Highlights (10/21/2017)
OFFICIAL ATTRIBUTES OF TONY SNELL POWER RANKINGS 1. He’s not Michael Carter-Williams 2. He shoots three-pointers really well 3. If he’s overpaid, it’s only by a little bit 4. He allegedly plays defense (I personally don’t care if he plays defense or not) 1. He’s not Michael Carter-Williams 5. He’s low-usage so he fits in…
Read MoreIman Shumpert 21 Points Full Highlights (10/21/2017)
“Dear Diary, Today I showed coach Lue that I should be the starter and not that idiot J.R. or old-ass D-Wade. With those two scrubs on the court they let the Magic destroy them, and the Magic aren’t even a good team. If I had been out there and the beginning I would have played…
Read MoreSerge Ibaka 21 Points/5 Threes Full Highlights (10/21/2017)
I know that this is a Serge Ibaka video and I’m supposed to write a description about Serge Ibaka. But I don’t want to write about Serge Ibaka. I want to write about Raptors commentator Matt Devlin and how he turns every made three-pointer into a geography quiz. We get it, dude. You know the…
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